life rage rant

[Lotus]

Lately, I have been feeling nothing but rage. I have met my breaking point twice over and just want to punch the next person who looks at me funny.
There are a few reasons why I am so angry, I know. Its just that I cannot ground myself any more.
The main problem is that I have to live somewhere clean and visually pleasing. My SO has been keeping the place like it is a poop storm. Seriously, there is dirt and clutter everywhere. When I ask to get things clean he just says that “oh, we live in a small place. Nothing will ever be clean.” Yeah, but does everything have to look like poop? I gradually keep on cleaning and something else turns into chaos. Is it too much to see my kitchen table?
The other issue is that his spoiled brat sisters will not pay him back the money they owe him. Heck, he will not even ask the older one to even start to pay it back. I tell him that if you do not ask then you will not succeed . The primary issue is that I am his chauffer because he does not have a car. He does not understand that it is a huge burden to me to “drive Miss Daisy” all around town and even to work.
This means that when I have a day off then I never really have a day off. It also means wear and tear on my car. This also means that I cannot look for another job….tough for this economy.
The last issue is work. I completely loath this job. The only reasons why I have not went out to aggressively find a new one is because I have no time and that I am his ride. This also means that if I want to go out of town to do something I cannot do it. Since the economy does suck, I hang on to this job because at least I get a paycheck and have health care.

I can handle the stress of the actual job just fine. The other things are killing me. I do not get enough sleep because I am his ride everywhere or I have to wake up to buzz him in.
Another source of stress, is that my Manager is promoting the selfish spoiled pet bimbo to the other assistant position. Her gigantic ego is only going to become unbearable.
The Manager and my SO (who is first assistant) are being selfish in the matter because they just rather not deal with stuff. Actually they are holding my vacation time hostage because of this issue. It is, “if you want your vacation then you are going to have to deal with her being Assistant” or I get “It is my store I can do whatever I want” crap.
Quite frankly they can stuff the vacation because the price is too high.

The pet mouthed off to me today and deliberately left the register ten bucks below what it was supposed to be. She did this just to get under my skin because she is just that spoiled and childish.
I feel like her childish stupidity is being rewarded with an Assistant position. She is getting it because she is the only person who wants it and can take it.
She wants the power but none of the responsibility. They do not want to explore other options and just want a quick fix.
I found out that I could have had my vacation if they would just deal with someone they did not like for four days. This is selfish.
Ah, yes, I have to deal with the pet bimbo that I do not like and they could not deal with one person for four days!!!!!
I am getting so sick and tired of it all.
To boot my SO will not allow me to go to the District supervisor about this. I tell him that I am going to transfer and he tries to manipulate me by saying that he is not leaving.
Well, I then tell him that he will just have to find his own ride there.

I do not know what to do. Today I contemplated just quitting and stopped because it would ultimately be bad. I just have to find the time to find a new job.

Sick and tired,
Lotus

[Max]

Lotus this sounds so frustrating. Really, I want to yell with you and dance around burning effigies of all those horrid people in life, but I'm going to give you some sensible advice instead. Give yourself a limited number of days to wallow and be p****d off, then let's do something about it.

Right or wrong, this is what I would do:
Sit down with SO in a non-confrontational way and give him exact tasks to do to make your life easier. I don't think men are that different from women but they are brought up to focus on different things. I know that my SO does not respond to "oh this place is untidy" but does to "could you be a sweetie and use the hoover in the bedroom and hall while I cook food" (notice how specific!) and thank him with no "but"s (but you never do this, but you won't do this again I bet etc) to show him you appreciate it. I don't think they do it to hurt us but stuff like that genuinely doesn't occur to them. As for chauffeur role... hmmm... I think you should warn him 2 days before your day off (in a calm way) that you're not going to be available and he has to make other arrangements (bus/friends/walk), even if you have to get up early to drive the car to a distance and go walk around the shops/ sit in a field and read a book. Prove to him he can be self-sufficent for one day, what would he do without you? And when someone is awful at work? Bite the bullet. Redirect your anger into finding a job for an hour in the evenings and be as civilised as you can to her, she's probably only being more of a bimbo because she subconciously gets a powerkick out of you falling to pieces - and isn't it nice to feel powerful. Why do pet bimbos always do well in the world? I think they should hold classes or something to teach the rest of us.

As annoying as the phrase is "you can't change other people, but you can change your response to them" it's true.
Good luck Lotus, I hope I haven't been too annoyingly sensible, sending happy vibes to you too.

[Crazy Healer Lady]

I love Max's advice. Perfect, perfect.

I'm a little worried that SO is stopping you from going to the District Supervisor because then he'll have to find a ride. Maybe he doesn't understand how your stress at work negatively affects your life with him at home.

Good luck my dear. I have a feeling a series of long talks are in order. Try to approach them from a neutral state. <3

[Kitsune]

Slap that man! Where does he get off insisting that you use him for a ride?

Currently my SO is my ride to work, but I make sure to thank him often, and if he asks me to take the bus, I may gripe a bit since it's winter, but (I think) he knows that I don't actually mind.

Unfortunatley my advice is somewhat similar to the others, except that I'd tell the boy that you can't be his ride a few days a week. After all, "I have to get home to do some of the housework...". That excuse should make him realize that the state of the appartment is important to you. Show him that if he wants a ride, then he can clean and help make you happy at home.

And go to your District Manager! If you Boy doesn't like it, then he needs to think more about your mental health then his ride. Don't let his unwillingness to change hold you back!

As for the Pet... Well, my advice there is just get out as quickly as you can.

[Willow]

I won't give any advice, but I hope it gets better for yousoon. You can't cope with that kind of stress for long. Not without support.

[Lotus]

Thanks,
I just feel like lately I am complaining too much...even on this board.
I think the best thing for me is to meditate on everything.
He does have a valid point that if I transfer then things might be worse at the new store. Also, after talking to a friend who works for the company, It might be best for me to be quiet and do little things to annoy the pet. I have been told to get under her skin. Passive aggression, I am told, is the key.
This is not my style but everyone who works for the company is advising the same.

I could just 'bite the bullet' and ignore both pet and manager. The sad thing is that this manager was my friend and I feel like dumping the whole friendship into the trash. This morning my SO got into a fight with her (the manager) over the phone accusing him of being the instagatior and me of being a vindictive lier. I have never lied nor have I yet been vindictive. The conversation concluded with her hanging up on my SO twice.
I wrote a letter to the manager before the phone conversation stating that the pet has a week to apologize.....no consequence is given if said apology does not manifest. So, I am giving this all a week until I ultimately decide what to do.
The manager will not even here a peep out of me.

He did help me clean some. I got the whole front room clean. This whole Spring cleaning is a gradual process that will take weeks.

The car thing is at a hold-still. I told him that I am not going to drive him forever and that he is going to have to come up with a plan. He griped that he would have to transfer to a store withing walking distance and a bus line (store we are at now is neither). His problem is that all the stores he could work at in the area are crap. I said too bad and just deal with it.

I will see what happens within a week.
BB
Lotus

[Crazy Healer Lady]

He does have a valid point that if I transfer then things might be worse at the new store.

Hmm. That's like telling my friend to NOT get out of an abusive relationship because a new one might be worse. REAL valid. Lotus, if you're miserable, do something about it ans trust the Goddess to guide you.

Passive aggression, I am told, is the key.

Again, I disagree. That is the stuff of office drama and henfights. Don't lower your self for that. Get out.

[Max]

Now here is a suggestion that I would never do but it's a thought and *may work*. If you think you can be calm enough, do you think you could take the pet to coffee, just the two of you, and thrash out your issues? First you'd have to be able to really clarify in unoffensive terms what your problem with her is, and what realistic things you and she can do to move forward and resolve this. A housemate had the courage to do this to me once, afterwards we still didn't mesh but I admired her for it and things were pleasant until we moved out. Most people are reasonable on some level.

You said she "mouthed off to you", and she is "childish", if you say calmly "that is a very disrespectful way to talk to me, you can express your views by talking to me adult-to-adult" hopefully it would make her feel an idiot about it. It might make work bearable until you find somewhere new.

Can I point out that this is a 'do as I say and not as I do' situation, because I am a sulker not a sorter!
And yey for Mr. Lotus! It's really nice that he's helping you spring clean

[Kitsune]

You can give the "heart-to-heart" thing a shot, but honestly, I get the feeling from Lotus's description that the woman isn't happy unless someone is suffering due to her. A heart to heart would offer nothing except to give the pet more ammo.

I'd say try the transfer, and keep searching for a better job. Especially in this sort of market, if you don't look, you can't find.

[Max]

Yeah...perhaps it was an unrealistic suggestion, I was probably having an annoyingly optimistic moment. *scrapes last post off wall*

[Lotus]

Ok, you guys are correct.
CHL,
For one, you did put it all into a perspective that I did not realize. I am kind of behaving like someone in a bad relationship....well, I am in a bad relationship (with the manager).
This is abusive.
Yesterday she called me and chewed me out (on my personal phone) about something stupid. This morning I got greeted with a nasty note as well.
She is even being vindictive on some things (too much and too long to explain).
For those who know will understand this: This morning she left the store looking like crap for me and instead of frontfacing she backfaced. All one isle was pushed forward with the back of the product facing forward.
Vindictive and childish actions were evident all this morning when I opened.

We got into an argument over the phone today resulting in her hanging up on me. From what I can tell is "the pet" is getting people on her bandwagon and making up crap that I am not saying. She believes that I am this evil vindictive person talking trash about her pet.
I spoke to my friend from the company again and now he is suggesting that I go to the district supervisor about it. Actually, he is saying that there would be better results if my SO goes to the district supervisor.

My mom actually brought up something interesting. Since my SO has always been so loose liped about my personal business, she could be jealous. The manager is having money problems and I went out on a shopping spree.
Anything said about me by both pet and manager seem to be focused on the fact that I grew up with money (not that I have money now or else I would not be at this hell hole).
I drive a decent car and am always well dressed.
It is my money. I earned it so why should I not be allowed to enjoy what I have?

Max,
Sitting down with the Pet would not be a good thing. The whole problem is that I am in her way of doing whatever she wants. Willow is correct that this would only add fuel to the fire.

BB
Lotus

[Max]

I can't understand people like that. You should definitely make a formal complaint to the company by going to the district supervisor. This sounds so exhausting for you. As a retail girl myself I will send her mental slaps for doing that to you. She's going to be in trouble if she believes in karma ey?

[Lotus]

The end result thus far is that I will be forced to go on vacation and will be retrained when I come back. Right now, Venus is in retrograde Aries. Aries is its detrament. This is not auspicious for vacations since they will lack in relaxation. I just want to wait a month.
I am not sure what this all means since natally my Venus is retrograde Aries. Also, my natal Mars is in Pisces and Mars is currently in Pisces as well. Perhaps I am double screwed or more apt to deal with the transits.

Although I would agree with retraining, I do not aprove of the implication. This is like saying that everything is my fault.
I still believe that someone trying their best to do their job is better than someone not caring at all.

I still am pissed off even though there is some sort of conclusion.

BB
Lotus

[Crazy Healer Lady]

What brought on this end result? I'm glad there is SOME movement, anyway: allows for progress rather than stagnation.

[Lotus]

My SO's careful deliberation was what brought this on.
There are still huge problems about the whole of this. What he did not tell me is that she has made up several lies. She is claiming that she has me on audio tearing her apart and swearing on the sales floor. There are quite a few problems with this:
One, it is illegal to make an audio recording or give permission to make one without the person's knowledge or consent.
Two, No such thing has ever happened. I have never even said a word about her.
Three, she will not allow me to listen to it 'if' such a thing does exist.
Four, 'if' such a thing exist then prove that all of this was said on the sales floor.

She even is claiming that an ex employee quit because of my "nasty attitude." I still speak to this person and she quit because she would lose her benefits (for her kids) if she continued working.

Then when I confronted her about the other stuff she claimed that a former Assistant (who is not Active duty in the Army) came into the store at night to back face the last isle. I tell her that is impossible and she accuses me of doing it!
Yeah, I had the time to backface the store to take a picture and then front face it again.

There are just so many more lies. Today, My SO is going straight to the Zone manager to ask for a transfer for both of us.

BB
Lotus