You know you're a Christian fundy when...

[Jescissa]

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

[daybydayiwalkmyway]

he... he..... he......




oh heck...

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHHAHHAHHHHAHHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAH....

cough....

cough...

(thinks about posting this on telephone poles...)

[underlilith]

you have successfully described my mother and step-father...

[Kitsune]

I love this....

I actually found it a few months ago but neglected to post it...

I think it brilliant!

[Arcanum Owl]

ROFLMAO.

Oh so so true, my personal favorite is when they get their own bible quotes wrong. lol

[Jescissa]

I found this on the yahoo religions board, it describes several people there perfectly!

I agree with point 4! It never ceases to amaze me how Christians can go on about how loving, peaceful and tolerant their religion is, yet are happy to talk about how other people will suffer for an eternity after death. Not particularly loving is it?

[Crazy Healer Lady]

Very good!! Made me laugh ^__^ Gotta love Fundies.

[Ragnar]

I agree with point 4! It never ceases to amaze me how Christians can go on about how loving, peaceful and tolerant their religion is, yet are happy to talk about how other people will suffer for an eternity after death. Not particularly loving is it?

One thing that I find confuses them amusingly, is "So, you believe because I forgot to read the bible again this year, I will burn in Hel for ever, EXACTLY the same sentence that Hitler was given? HAY, So thats all right then, because I am already a "hopeless sinner" I may as well go out and shoot a couple of million people that have annoyed me huh?"

[Jescissa]

I may as well go out and shoot a couple of million people that have annoyed me huh?

Exactly. If you're already lost to the fiery pit, you might as well take as many people with you as possible...unless of course you're not actually going to hel and you just live your life the way you want.

[Windwalker]

BWAHAHA! That's AWESOME!

HAY, So thats all right then, because I am already a "hopeless sinner" I may as well go out and shoot a couple of million people that have annoyed me huh?"

This was one of the major problems with Calvinism when it started out. They believed in predestination... so whether you were going to heaven or hell was decided way before you were born, before you even had the chance to sin or be saved. The general masses, who probably just wanted the guys in charge to pick a legal religion and stick with it, saw this as a green light to debauchery. After all, if your destiny was already decided by the infallible will of god, then anything you actually did was irrelevant. If you were destined to go to hell anyway, would you rather live a pious life, or get drunk and have a lot of sex? And if you were destined to go to heaven, well, God couldn't exactly change his mind because that would mean that he would have been wrong originally. So you'd get to sin your arse off, and still go to heaven. The bishops and religious leaders were rather horrified about this and put a stop to it. Honestly, some people don't think things through.

[Willow]

Wow,
if only it weren't so accurate.......

I wonder what a fundie might say to this....

where are they when you need them?

[katsu]

Wow,
if only it weren't so accurate.......

I wonder what a fundie might say to this....

where are they when you need them?

We need them?!?!?

[Ragnar]

A dog has it's bone, a cat it's mouse, and us, our Fundy.

[Mahala]

Nice one.

[martillious]

Wow,
if only it weren't so accurate.......

I wonder what a fundie might say to this....

where are they when you need them?

ha ha ha here I am
I like what windwalker said about Calvinism. That was right on the money!
I like number two I guess it is Gods will that I am going through a divorce. Hell it might be an answer to prayer. lol