Okay, so I admit, I'm not all there sometimes..(adult topic)

[Kitsune]

So, not to get into too much detail here, I was once again writing in my mind (because I forgot my voice recorder, and it's really hard to write on the go ), and two of my lead characters started communicating telepathically with each other.

Yes, I know, my daydreams/unwritten books are weird!

Moving past that obvious fact, it suddenly occured to me that two people who were in telepathic contact often (in fiction) share pictures to get their meaning across more clearly...

And I suddenly had the thought, "Hey, if two people communicate telepathically, and start fantasizing about the other one, together, and they're both dating other people, would that be considered cheating?"

Okay, so I'm really screwed up...

But still the question bears asking. For me, in the real world, I insist on truth... If you're going to cheat, go and talk to your partner first... at least then the trust issues don't come up, which to me is way more important, then the physical aspects of cheating.

So, just wondering what your opinions are on this really weird ethics based question!

[Crazy Healer Lady]

Kitsune, you are so neat

I'm not sure. I don't believe that thinking about other people is like cheating, because our minds are our own, and we are only human. Acting on these impulses, on the other hand...

Now, if someone spoke telepathically, it would bear assuming that this would be controllable. Sort of like a 'send' button. Then there is only a line between thinking of the person and direct flirtation, which I do not feel is right but others may.

However, if it is not controllable, then one would *really* have to broaden their horizons and look at the nature of monogamy, as well as the human spirit. I mean, we are animals, with animal impulses. An understanding would have to come about. "Yes, you're male, and I am female. My primitive body wants to copulate with every male thing that smells of complimentary pheramones. However, the rest of me wishes to only be with this particular person."

Actually, it's remarkably easy to come across this understanding.

[Kitsune]

Wouldn't you be acting it out in a way though?

I mean, if you were sending him messages and he's sending them back with slight alterations...

It twinges the "cheating meter"

Not that I'd get pissed about it... a bit jealous perhaps, but that's must me... I've been told I don't play well with others when it comes to the "mine!" complex.

So, what's everybody else's opinion on this rather weird idea?

[daibanjo]

Guilt is interest we pay on a debt we probably don't owe.
You may quote me on that.
Kitsune, I agree with CHL you really are neat.
Just because you fantasize about someone or have natural human impulses about someone, does that mean you are cheating? You would need a very strict view of fidelity and a very unrealistic one at that. It's like when you get married or otherwise enter into a permanent relationship. OK you say that as long as you both live you will not have sex with anyone else. (Gulp) A huge committment and an amazing promise but most of us enter into it willingly.
If you add to that the notion that you will never even dream about another person, well, with all due respect, I think that is unrealistic.
For myself I'm in a committed relationship and love my wife dearly and I haven't fooled around yet, But in my dreams I'm awful.
I love my dreams.

[Kystar]

I think in that situation, it would only be cheating if they followed the fantasies up with real action.

[Crazy Healer Lady]

But in my dreams I'm awful.
I love my dreams.

Daibanjo, that made my day!

It's strange how this issue has been really in my face the last week. A friend's boyfriend/fiance just cheated on her, and it is really amazing to watch her react from a very, very high place. Very humbling.

This in turn spawned a really painful but really good argument between Chris and I, where everything was said, no holding back. Freedom and trust were underlying (two things I require for a happy relationship). Thanks, Kitsune, for bringing this up. Without it, I would not have recognized that this was one of those things pounding on the door screaming, "HEAL ME NOW!!"

[Kitsune]

My only problem with the above situation is that the person you're fantasizing about is "helping" you along with the fantasy... It seems a lot like finding someone on the internet that you fantasize with. I don't have a problem with it, but I did wonder since it was so much more personal, being in telepathic contact and doing it.

I agree with Daibanjo completely... Although I would never cheat on Grimwell, (being surprisingly wolfish or hawkish, and jealous in my own preferences), I have wonderful fantasies about other people (mainly the guy I never got a chance to "try out". It's irritating, he's a great friend, and one of the very few guys I've ever met that I would love to just have non-commitment sex with, so long as it didn't change the friendship at all).

One day I'll let you guys know about the random daydreams I come up with... I'm going to write a book based on them one day! If it ever gets published, I'll let you all know.

Then you can all have a look into my vaguely deranged brain, and say, "Yep, she really isn't all there!"

[Willow]

I totally have the same thing..meet a cute guy at the bar, smile and flirt, enjoy the attention but realise the stability I have with my SO would never be worth acting on any passing infatuations.

I use them as reminders of what it is like to feel attractive, I honestly think it is good for a relationship.

[Kitsune]

I'd love to do that... My only irritant being that he's not even willing to casually flirt, even if we both know it's not going to go anywhere, since we're both happily married.

I think that it's because he's simply Completely uninterested, and that he probally never was, regardless of the veiled hints that a few friends have dropped in the past.

Nope, no secret crush or casual flirtations for me... I have to get by on fantasies for the nonce!

[Ragnar]

Wasn't it Jimmy Carter that said something about "I have committed adultery in my mind"?

[Kitsune]

I've never heard that one before Ragnar... But guilty as charged!

[Bandersnatch]

If I were to be judged on the stuff that goes on in my head no one would ever let me out into the world again. I have to agree, thinking and doing are two different things.

Most of the unethical thoughts come unbidden at least to start and I often don't have much control over what pops into my head. In fact I'm not sure I would want to stop those thoughts. A lot of it is quite creative and has been the inspiration for some of my paintings, sculptures, etc.

I don't know about the rest of you, but keeping my thoughts pure would be a near impossibility. But I also agree, if there is a conscious decision to act then that changes things again.

Good question...I'm glad I don't have to deal with it in the real world.

[Crazy Healer Lady]

I don't know about the rest of you, but keeping my thoughts pure would be a near impossibility.

Ah, but here's a good one: Who is to decide what is pure? I think all things, positive or negative, are part of the flow of energy. Is negative really bad?

[Kitsune]

I don't know about the rest of you, but keeping my thoughts pure would be a near impossibility. But I also agree, if there is a conscious decision to act then that changes things again.

Ah, but that's what I was asking about...

If you conciously decide to share a fantasy mentally with someone and they share back in such a way that you've cheated 'with' that person everyway but physically, would it be construed as cheating?There are some terrifing people out there who believe that if they catch you looking it's cheating, let alone sharing it mind to mind with someone.

That's more what I was asking about... The "together in Tandem" aspect or if it's simply comparable to phone sex, and therefore just considered "distasteful"?

[Kystar]

you know, I never took the "phone sex" pov on this.

I'd say it's a little cheap, some what distasteful...but much less of an offense than physically cheating. MUCH less of an offense.