On love and empathy

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 5:27 pm

I honestly don't know if this is a good section to post this in, so if Mods wish to move it somewhere more appropriate feel free.

As a warning, this is going to have a lot of "Wow I'm a highschooler and I have no idea whats going on" Type of stuff in it, although I'm going to try and avoid that as much as possible.

On to the topic at hand:

First, I suppose I should give a bit of background (thus, the highschool angsty type part)

As I started my freshman year, I met a girl in my lit class. We quickly became friends, talked more and more, traded numbers, and were well on our way to developing a relationship. After a month or so (might have had something to do with my Mother passing away at about the same time) She simply... stopped talking to me. Altogether, started completely ignoring me. It was then that I found out from another one of my friends, more about this girl that I had refused to accept before. In short, she was a compulsive liar, and everything I thought I knew about her was utterly fabricated. With this, my Mother dying, and a few other blows.. I basically became completely devastated. Took me about a year to recover, and the past three to recover fully. I did not talk to this girl for about one year, apart from the occasional "hello" or if we were forced to work together on something or whatnot. This year, she ended up in my lit class again, and since I knew almost nobody else in that class, we started talking again. After a short while we became quite good friends, sharing our relationship woes, making jokes, talking about everything. The topics started turning to what happened freshman year, and she was quite quick in coming out with one of the most heartfelt apologies I've ever heard... it didn't seem fake either, Nothing, no warnings in my head went off about it. It seemed, and still does, that she was genuinely sorry for what she did to me. She's basically spent the last 5 or so months trying to prove to me that shes not who she used to be, and after that much effort I've come to believe her.

Now for the next bit of exposition. I have found myself, over the past month or so, developing some very empathetic tendencies, like so many others here, I've become able to feel emotions of other people to some extent... It feels somewhat temporary but its most definitely there.

Now for the issue at hand: (Finally)

Yesterday, this girl hinted at me VERY strongly that she was (once more?) interested in me. And has been making a noticeable effort to talk to me, be around me, and just be closer to me at every given opportunity. I'm going to make the assumption that she is in fact interested in me. Which brings up my issue... I've always felt something for this girl, ever since I met her... but the past two days (even before she started all of this) I've been seriously falling for her.. head over heals style and whatnot. Its not really like me, normally these things happen slower with me, It doesn't feel bad... but it just doesn't seem like these are really MY emotions. I realize wholeheartedly that I simply could just be falling for this girl... but I'm wondering if empathy can feel like this too? Could what I'm feeling just be some interpretation of what she's feeling towards me? I'm not asking you guys to give me an answer per se, I can certainly figure things out for myself. I'm just seeking input.

Looking back... most of that was entirely unnecessary.... sorry for the huge Xanga post, lol....

Post by **Crazy Healer Lady** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:43 pm

It could be empathetic. It could also be the feel of someone who likes you and wants to be near you. It's not until you are in a relationship, or until someone touches you for the first time, that you realize how much you need it and/or missed it.

Worst case scenario: You guys end up going out, and then later down the road the feelings fade, as they usually do (I'm sorry!). You don't want to lead her on, of course.

It takes a while, mon ami, to realize if you really like someone or not. The next time you feel "feelings" for her, follow them. You feel them in your heart in your stomach, right? If not, go to wherever you do feel them. Follow them wherever they lead. Find the source. If it stretches into what feels like you, keep that in mind. If it sort of fans out as empathy, you can regard it as such.

It would help to start noticing what empathy feels like to you. After a while you realize it has a distinct feeling different that feelings of your own.

Good luck! :hug:

Willow · Post by **Willow** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 6:16 am

Another thing too,
statistically speaking, guys fall in love faster and harder than women and are hurt more when things end. So it my be new for you but still like you.

It could be some mix of your own emotions and hers. I would take things slowly so it doesn't get too confusing. I am not empathic, but I think there are ways to sort out yours and her feeling with aura exercises. I could be wrong.

Keep us posted on how things turn out though.

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:48 am

Thanks for the advice guys, I've been through similar before, but it always ends up badly... I'll be fine, heh, even if it turns out horrible I've still been through worse so I might as well right? I'll keep you guys posted on how things turn out

Artemisblessed · Post by **Artemisblessed** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 1:05 pm

i may be too late, but i think maybe you should try a visual meditation? i've never done one, but i hear good things. yeah. you could do something like picture you one one side of a space and her on the other and try to dissentangle who's feelings are who's.

keep us posted!

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 2:29 pm

that's a pretty good idea Artemis... Maybe I won't do that exactly, but I could try something similar. I didn't think about visualization though, thanks a ton

Arcanum Owl · Post by **Arcanum Owl** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 4:50 am

Personally I would just have fun, one of my greatest lessons in life. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't, there's no point losing sleep over it. Just go out, have a good time and have a good friendship. After all "Love abounds on the winds while other bloom from the seeds of friendship."

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 5:34 pm

An Update:

Nothing's happened really. We're still just, hanging out at school. A little more every day it seems. The speed at which this has built up has really tapered off. Its a little confusing, I don't know if shes really still interested in me at all. If she is, its great that its moving slower, if not, then we've become better friends, and that's just as important. I'll see what happens but, After just sitting around, thinking, I've come to the conclusion that these feelings are in fact my own. If they aren't, then I'm just gonna roll with them anyways =P

Post by **Crazy Healer Lady** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 8:09 pm

Ahhh, highschool romance o____O

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 5:08 am

lol, shut up. I suppose the original topic of all this is dead now, so I'll stop boring you all with my personal life =P

Post by **Crazy Healer Lady** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 7:44 pm

I am not bored O___o

Look at how much everyone rants about their personal life. ^___^ I think you're doin' fine.

Willow · Post by **Willow** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 4:48 am

High school romance is the most painful and the most exhilarating because it is all new. I think that it definitely deserves ranting and discussion.

I was a hormone with legs in high school so don't worry.

Post by **Crazy Healer Lady** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 1:57 pm

I was a bookwork with long red hair who sat in a hidden corner in the music department with her goth-looking friend ranting about Yeats or Paradise Lost... or in the art room...

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 3:34 pm

lol. I'm the typical geek/nerd. I'm even on the schools tech support squad... its really quite sad. I suppose I'm more of a nerd ambassador though, because I have a lot of friends who are nowhere near as geeky as I, and many who are much worse. Come to think of it I'm not really a typical anything...yeh, I like it

scoia · Post by **scoia** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 4:11 pm

Crazy Healer Lady wrote:I was a bookwork with long red hair who sat in a hidden corner in the music department with her goth-looking friend ranting about Yeats or Paradise Lost... or in the art room...

Exactly. Except I was the goth one

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On love and empathy

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