Friend or No?

Welcome to Fundies! Here you can discuss, vent about, or bash fundamentalists of all persuasions. That means pagan fundies, too.

What should I do to this girl?

Never talk to her again.
2
10%
Write her a note.
0
No votes
Talk to her about it in person.
9
43%
Kill her.
2
10%
Just ignore it... she'll understand sooner or later.
3
14%
Karma will see it's way to her!
5
24%
 
Total votes: 21

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Cineilea
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Friend or No?

Post by Cineilea » Fri Dec 10, 2004 5:31 pm

Theres this girl I know... and well she is very strong in what she believes... she's christian... anyways. I was talking to her and we got in this religious kind of arguement... but I just returned all her questions (basically) with things I know about my beliefs. At the end of the whole thing I ended up asking her about 200 questions on things it says in the bible stuff like that; adam and eve story, story of creation... ect. (I know a lot of this stuff because I went to catholic school for 4 years.) Anyways... (she never gave me the answers to those questions) then, she started getting in religious battles with me. I never ONCE yelled at her and I never called what she believed in stupid, I never did anything like that. I just responded to her questions with what I thought, and I responded to her insults with questions. Well, she ends up getting off the cpu (she only does this on the computer and says it's because she's in a bad mood) and calling up one of her/my friends crying hysterically saying 'They called me this and this and...blah blah blah' When I didn't.
So, I ended up writing her this huge note saying 'Look, I don't want to get in any more religious arguements with you. You can't convert me and I don't know what your trying to prove since I don't believe you anyway. Just let me believe what I want and you believe what you want. Don't criticize me for it. If this subject is brought up again between me and you, or me and the rest of my friends, there will be consiquences. Please know, that what you say won't change what I believe. May this never be brought up again... Blessed Be.'
Well, it ends up being brought up again between her and my best friend... She's the one who brings it up. She said all this... bad stuff about us and how our lives are bad and hers isn't. She's christian, we're wiccan. And she said that 'Just because my friend's mom left her, and she's upset, doesn't mean she has to go and convert to this totally stupid made up religion' She said all this stuff that was WAY out of line. I mean, I understand questions and things of that nature, but this just threw me off the deep end! So, I ended up saying... 'This wasn't suppose to be brought up again. Whats going on? I can't believe you!' And she just ends up saying 'Well I'm gonna talk to my real friends! Because you sure as heck don't act like them!' so I said...'God's gift! You think you act like a friend?' (ect) and I blocked her in the end... This got me really worked up and I have issues dealing with my anger, so I ended up rampaging for a really long time about it wanting to scratch her eyes out the next time I saw her...
I haven't been talking to her for about a week now and neither has my friend. But all of a sudden, today, my friend started talking to her again, so now she seems to think everything is okay with me and her because she's talking to me again too. But I don't want her to think she got away with it and I'm giving in because she's right... and yet I want to be forgiving and let her know that im not a total ebil person! I don't know what to do. She's a good friend... all except for this thing... I'm going crazy here! Will karma get back to her? Should I write her a note or not talk to her? Please help!
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Raven
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Post by Raven » Fri Dec 10, 2004 8:02 pm

I Once had a friend named Casey. She is Catholic. She found out I was Pagan two years ago. I havn't talked to Casey in two years.
That's not a situation i enjoy....

However my other friend, Mitchell. He found out I was Pagan almost 4 years ago. He didn't talk to me for a month. He tried to convert me for 2 years streight. After arriving at high school he's realized that there are plenty others like me and we're really not all bad. He and I arnt exactly talking at the moment but thats about a completely different issue altogether, and im sure we'll be friends again soon enough.

The point im trying to make with all this is that some people will come around, will choose to ignore your religeon and treat you as a human. On the other hand some won't, and you will lose them as a friend. If they wish to abandon you because your going to hell or whatnot, then they're not really a very good friend to begin with.

One of my other friends hates Jewish people because "they killed Jesus". Yes, i think he is an idiot for it, but i refuse to convince him of "the right way". Most people would agree that he is not "right" in this instance, but most people would also agree that we are not "right" for choosing to believe what we do. Therefore, the way i see it, if i try and talk him out of hating Jewish peoples, then I am no better than those that try and talk me out of being Pagan. Until he starts hurting people, ill stay out of it. As i expect any of my friends to do. He will come around eventually, and if he doesnt then he doesnt, i can do nothing about it, he has to decide on his own.
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morgana
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Post by morgana » Sat Dec 11, 2004 5:17 am

Raven said it pretty nicely there. If she can't learn to respect your beliefs, or at least not discuss them and still be friends otherwise, then she wasn't really a good friend anyway. What I would suggest you do is tell her that the religious arguments with her left a "bad taste in your mouth" about her, and that such personal attacks against your beliefs are not something that is easily forgotten, especially when you made no such attacks against her. After saying this, I would just let her be. Don't go out of your way to talk to her or anything, but if she decides to approach you and apologize, accept it gracefully. Basically, make yourself a model pagan and give her absolutely no grounds for her beliefs about you "going to hell cuz you're evil." If she knows that you are truly a good person then religion should have nothing to do with anything.

Also, as Fairydust and a few others have been cautioned, please be careful who you tell of your beliefs. As you have discovered, not everyone is so open minded, and most times it doesn't do much good for one person to know another's beliefs cuz it usually serves only to start feuds amongst people who otherwise might be friends. I would suggest from now on only revealing your beliefs to those who are closest to you that you KNOW will accept you no matter what.
"Love like you've never been hurt."

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Post by Lotus » Sun Dec 12, 2004 10:38 pm

I voted that the best response is for you to ignore it because it seems like she is trying to drag you down and trap you into something. You will come out of this looking the best if you leave it be.

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Post by scoia » Mon Dec 13, 2004 3:02 pm

I kinda think you should follow this up with a small discussion about the subject- namely, let's agree to disagree, don't bring it up again, ps. do not say anything like that about me again. There's no need to be nasty, but she may feel as though you have been cowed by her, and while you do have to be careful about who you tell, there is no need to hide either.
First they ignore you.
Then they laught at you.
Then they fight you.
Then you win.
--Ghandi

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Cineilea
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Post by Cineilea » Mon Dec 13, 2004 4:11 pm

Okay... I think I'll talk to her about this tommorow... Thanks a lot!! ^_^
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Post by Kiril » Tue Dec 14, 2004 6:00 pm

I vote that you should've called her stupid so she'd actually have a reason to cry *shrug*

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Post by Linny » Sat Dec 18, 2004 11:21 am

It's not right for her to claim to be your friend and then completely disregard and belittle you and your beliefs. For the time being, we have a thing in this country called Freedom Of Religion (somewhere along those lines I think). Maybe next time she tries this you could hand her a copy of the Constitution and Bill of Rights. That she only does this over the computer says to me that she's scared of what she might have to think about if she were to get into this battle with you face to face. Not only that, she's afraid she'd make a fool of herself in front of other people if she brought this up in public. She's afraid to be exposed to something that she knows nothing about, and she probably feels threatened by your beliefs.

One of my best friends is Christian, and she knows I'm Pagan. She spent a good couple years in high school and jr. high trying to convert me. I even sat through one of her church services (felt like it lasted all day). Since she loves me and I her, we've agreed to mildly disagree. She respects my beliefs and I hers.

Her mother, however, is a different story altogether. She's convinced I'm Satan. She walked in while we were doing a Tarot reading...I thought her head was going to explode. :violent2: I laugh hysterically at that now. My other friend's mom is the same way...she's really going to love me when she sees what I got her daughter.

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Post by Artemisblessed » Sat Feb 26, 2005 9:11 am

ok. here's what i would have done:
while she was trashing me up and down, i would have stayed cool as a cucumber (try, anyway :lol: ) while mentally thinking of all the ways i could kill her. then, when she had finished being "miss chris", )as i call people who pretend that they are secure in their christianity) and it was finally my turn to talk, i would have said, "i don't think you realize how little you know about this subject."
then, if she totally ignored me and then was all buddy-buddy with me, i would be a tiny bit suspicious. of what? i don't know.
needless to say, i didn't vote cause my option wasn't there. i would have looked her strait in the eye and said "look. i am gonna be nice to you because i would never think of hurting you. but if you pull something like that again, you and i will never talk again."
ooh. deep, huh? :lol: sounds like it came out of a movie.
Treat every new person you meet as if they will be an important influence on you later (you know, love thy neighbor?)

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Post by Helreidh » Sat Mar 12, 2005 4:20 pm

Well, I voted for karma to take its turn, but it seems that many a time karma doesn't serve those who deserve it. Either way, I don't really think she'll understand in time, so it's pretty much a waste of mind power to argue with her. Better that you just be happy that you are the better person for letting it go than talking a lot of trash and then pretending you did nothing. Who knows, maybe she just wants attention or something.
"Even in our sleep
Pain that we cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon our heart
Until in our own despair
Against our will
Comes wisdom
Through the awful grace of God"
- Aeschylus

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Vetle
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Post by Vetle » Sat Mar 12, 2005 5:26 pm

I know a Christian girl who has been pretty much nothing but abusive to me in the entire time that I have known her. At first I was patient with her and tried to educate her, correct her misinformation, etc. I eventually got so fed up with her that I just told her not to talk to me anymore. I've had to block some 50 different screennames. She's even made up fake identies to try to talk to me. One time she even pretended to be a pagan but she was awful at it and I could tell from the first line she wrote thereafter that she was lying. She didn't stop bothering me until I threatened to call the police if she ever tried to contact me again.

After a few months, she contacted me again. This was about the second or third time she contacted me out of the blue after I had told her to leave me alone a few months previous.

She did that a few times. What I noticed was that she calmed down a bit more with each time. I was just talking to her last night, actually. She was remarkably easy to deal with.


So here's my advice. Tell her to calm down or the friendship's over. She'll decide whether your friendship or her desire to give you a hard time is more important to her. From there, it shouldn't be too hard. If need be, block her for a while and give her some time to think about what she values more. However, I do suggest you explain to her your grievances before you give her the ultimatum. It's sad that an ultimatum even has to be used but sometimes it's the only way.
"I just hope angels in the forest
Saw me praying in my own soul
Death is unfair - That's real pain
Remoun you...Am I almost dead?
I miss my hope; My will to live
My last farewell forever, all alone"

-Anita Auglend

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Artemisblessed
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Post by Artemisblessed » Wed Mar 16, 2005 8:04 pm

how do you mean she was abusive to you?
Treat every new person you meet as if they will be an important influence on you later (you know, love thy neighbor?)

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Vetle
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Post by Vetle » Thu Mar 17, 2005 11:21 am

She used to give me same BS that most uneducated and intolerant Christians give pagans. She used to say that I'm worshipping the devil and that I'm going to go to hell and that my religion is wrong or all kinds of stuff like that. She would also imply that the girl I as dating at the time was a slut or other things of that nature. I'm not going to get into my ex at the time because I have some meaner things to say about her but I think the way she treated me (and even my friends and family, as she lashed out against Catholics as well as pagans) was completely inappropriate.
"I just hope angels in the forest
Saw me praying in my own soul
Death is unfair - That's real pain
Remoun you...Am I almost dead?
I miss my hope; My will to live
My last farewell forever, all alone"

-Anita Auglend

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Arcanum Owl
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Post by Arcanum Owl » Wed Mar 30, 2005 6:17 pm

LOL :lol:

My Solution:
Walk up to her and give her a big hug, and a peck on the cheek. "Don't worry sweety Jesus forgives you."

tee he he

I love christians, they seem to have forgotten the one little override button of their faith.
Jebus said: "Love thy neighbour."
Though almost all of them don't, and by loving them your being more Christian then them, it great.
PS. If things get really heated, feel free to use that Jebus quote, it's a great one, though it isn't likely to help in anyway shape or form.
"Project what you are and what you feel, not what you think!" - quoted from yours trully.

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Eirene
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the truth will out

Post by Eirene » Thu Apr 28, 2005 4:22 pm

Karma always has a way of catching people out; it's too bad your friend is getting dragged into it as well. Still, you're the same person today you were yesterday and will be tomorrow. Any true friend will see that and judge by the actions from your heart, not the garbage other people say.
Prime example: I live in a primarily hispanic neighborhood, though I'm a gringa, and most of the people there are fairly awful to me because I'm single. Over time, though,most of them have learned that I'm not a lady of the evening just =D> because I'm single. I do have a sweetie. I know in my heart what is true and what isn't, so I'm able to deal with it all. It doesn't heart any less to be misunderstood, though, but if people know you're strong and true in your beliefs, whether or not they understand them, they tend to leave you alone and stop the harassment. That didn't really help during the Inquisition or the Holocaust but on a small scale it kind of works with friends at school.
Four be the things I'd be better without: love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

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