You know you're a Christian fundy when...

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Jescissa
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You know you're a Christian fundy when...

Post by Jescissa » Fri Jun 01, 2007 1:59 am

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
"If you trust in yourself and believe in your dreams and follow your star...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Goodbye." - Miss Tick, Terry Pratchett's Wee Free Men

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daybydayiwalkmyway
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Post by daybydayiwalkmyway » Fri Jun 01, 2007 5:53 am

he... he..... he......




oh heck...

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHHAHHAHHHHAHHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAH....

cough....

cough...

(thinks about posting this on telephone poles...)
If you want to become whole,
let yourself be partial.
If you want to become full,
let yourself be empty.
If you want to be reborn,
let yourself die.
If you want to be given everything,
give everything up.

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underlilith
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Post by underlilith » Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:16 am

you have successfully described my mother and step-father...
"What is a god but a man who weilds the power of chaos?" - Peter Carroll

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Kitsune
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Post by Kitsune » Fri Jun 01, 2007 9:18 am

I love this....

I actually found it a few months ago but neglected to post it...

I think it brilliant!


:lol: :lol: :lol:
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

http://www.bamatthews.comThe Writings and Musings of B.A. Matthews

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Arcanum Owl
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Post by Arcanum Owl » Fri Jun 01, 2007 2:34 pm

ROFLMAO.

Oh so so true, my personal favorite is when they get their own bible quotes wrong. lol
"Project what you are and what you feel, not what you think!" - quoted from yours trully.

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Jescissa
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Post by Jescissa » Sat Jun 02, 2007 3:03 am

:lol: I found this on the yahoo religions board, it describes several people there perfectly!

I agree with point 4! It never ceases to amaze me how Christians can go on about how loving, peaceful and tolerant their religion is, yet are happy to talk about how other people will suffer for an eternity after death. Not particularly loving is it?
"If you trust in yourself and believe in your dreams and follow your star...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Goodbye." - Miss Tick, Terry Pratchett's Wee Free Men

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Crazy Healer Lady
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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sat Jun 02, 2007 10:00 am

Very good!! Made me laugh ^__^ Gotta love Fundies.
Crazy Healer Lady
Health and happiness to you!

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Ragnar
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Post by Ragnar » Sun Jun 03, 2007 2:19 am

Jescissa wrote: I agree with point 4! It never ceases to amaze me how Christians can go on about how loving, peaceful and tolerant their religion is, yet are happy to talk about how other people will suffer for an eternity after death. Not particularly loving is it?
One thing that I find confuses them amusingly, is "So, you believe because I forgot to read the bible again this year, I will burn in Hel for ever, EXACTLY the same sentence that Hitler was given? HAY, So thats all right then, because I am already a "hopeless sinner" I may as well go out and shoot a couple of million people that have annoyed me huh?"

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Jescissa
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Post by Jescissa » Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:31 am

Ragnar wrote:I may as well go out and shoot a couple of million people that have annoyed me huh?
Exactly. If you're already lost to the fiery pit, you might as well take as many people with you as possible...unless of course you're not actually going to hel and you just live your life the way you want.
"If you trust in yourself and believe in your dreams and follow your star...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Goodbye." - Miss Tick, Terry Pratchett's Wee Free Men

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Post by Windwalker » Sun Jun 03, 2007 6:36 pm

BWAHAHA! That's AWESOME! :-D =D>
Ragnar wrote: HAY, So thats all right then, because I am already a "hopeless sinner" I may as well go out and shoot a couple of million people that have annoyed me huh?"
This was one of the major problems with Calvinism when it started out. They believed in predestination... so whether you were going to heaven or hell was decided way before you were born, before you even had the chance to sin or be saved. The general masses, who probably just wanted the guys in charge to pick a legal religion and stick with it, saw this as a green light to debauchery. After all, if your destiny was already decided by the infallible will of god, then anything you actually did was irrelevant. If you were destined to go to hell anyway, would you rather live a pious life, or get drunk and have a lot of sex? And if you were destined to go to heaven, well, God couldn't exactly change his mind because that would mean that he would have been wrong originally. So you'd get to sin your arse off, and still go to heaven. The bishops and religious leaders were rather horrified about this and put a stop to it. Honestly, some people don't think things through.
si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes

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Willow
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Post by Willow » Mon Jun 04, 2007 4:42 pm

Wow,
if only it weren't so accurate.......

I wonder what a fundie might say to this....

where are they when you need them?
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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katsu
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Post by katsu » Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:52 pm

Willow wrote:Wow,
if only it weren't so accurate.......

I wonder what a fundie might say to this....

where are they when you need them?
We need them?!?!? :lol:
/|\

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Ragnar
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Post by Ragnar » Tue Jun 05, 2007 12:11 am

A dog has it's bone, a cat it's mouse, and us, our Fundy. :lol:
:violent2:

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Mahala
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Post by Mahala » Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:07 am

=D> Nice one.

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martillious
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Post by martillious » Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:21 am

Willow wrote:Wow,
if only it weren't so accurate.......

I wonder what a fundie might say to this....

where are they when you need them?
ha ha ha here I am
I like what windwalker said about Calvinism. That was right on the money!
I like number two I guess it is Gods will that I am going through a divorce. Hell it might be an answer to prayer. lol

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