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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:55 pm
I just got the BIGGEST slap down from my dad about Wicca. I was collecting money for a book, and dad asked what kind of book. I danced around as he guessed horse, then other, then I said Wicca. He said that I have musical talent, and other talents, why would I believe in that BS? I'd only get harassed. He said NO, he isn't going to let me buy ONE FRIGGIN' BOOK. ONE. I kept asking the Goddess and god for protection and strength, and that's the only thing that got me through it.
Help me convince them? I feel as if I'm drowning. Maybe this is why I was having visions earlier?
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 3:03 am
That's right, you are talented, and you don't believe in bs, that's why you're researching every religion you can find, so you can make an informed choice. Something like that might make things a little better, it looks like you're trying to be mature and make the best decision possible about your future.
Best of luck!
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 3:09 am
I would never advocate lying to your parents...however...this is the time to make a good friend of your local library. Make a list of the books you want to read and ask if they can order them in for you. Most libraries can do this. If they can't order those particular books, you could ask if they could order in similar books.
Have heart and don't worry. If you come up against a stone wall, there are a few things you can do to change your situation; 1) climb over it, 2) break it down or 3) sit patiently for the wind and the rain to wear it down. In my experience, parents (like stone walls) take a long time to wear down, but that path is so much more worth it than the others. If you go over your parents' heads and lie you will hurt their feelings, if you break through them to get to Wicca they will think you're joining a cult and will never accept it. Wearing them down does take time, but in the end they will accept your path much more.
If you do your research at the library and don't take home books you know your parents will disapprove of you will be getting the best of both worlds. If your parents ask why you're spending so much time at the library, don't lie about it. Explain to them that you respect that their house is their house and you won't go against their wishes in their house, but you are interested in Wicca and you're just finding your way.
Do you have meals with your family? That's how I got my parents used to the idea that I was now a witch. They didn't have to like it (and they still don't) but we used to talk about different religions around the dinner table all the time. By talking openly about things, people are more likely to accept it. Easter is coming up soon, you could say that the Christian Easter, Jewish Passover and Pagan Ostara all happen around the same time and share some imagery. (Don't, whatever you do, say that Christianity stole Ostara from the Pagans to create Easter...that just winds people up and you'll never get them to accept it.)
You could go on nature walks with your parents (it's not always cool to go on walks with parents, I know!) point out how the seasons are changing, go to natural beauty spots with your parents too. By being in nature regularly we all have a heightened appreciation of it and as Wicca is a nature-based religion your parents might grow to have a higher appreciation of Wicca through knowing nature more closely.
Always remember, something worth doing doesn't always happen quickly.
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 3:23 am
Wow Jescissa, that was alot better then I could come up with. You've done this before, haven't you? Alas, I left home early so I didn't have much problem with the religion thing, so not much help there, but I will be sending good vibes for you Mahala. [-o<
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 3:32 am
Yup, I've definitely been there before. I have a good relationship with my parents, but I still can't leave out my altar or books, I just know it would cause too much trouble. I love them and I also love my path, so it's a balancing act!
Lying is the single most damaging thing a young Wiccan (or any Pagan) can do. You will always be found out and your parents (and your God and Goddess) definitely won't be pleased!
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:15 pm
I talked to him and my brother some more, dad brought up that he was 'open' , but when I recomended him go to Borders.com and read and exerpt from a Wiccan book, he said e didn't need to know more about it. He thinks that Wicca will make me change, like acting depressed all the time, because that's how the Pagans/Wiccans he's met all acted.
He said one thing that I hope to expand on: I asked him what would he do if I changed. He told me that he couldn't really change my mind and he'd still love me. My brother said I'll still be part of the family.
Every now and then in this 2 hour conversation, I'd interject with a piece of Wicca or Pagan stuff. Dad flew off the handle when I told him there's a male AND a female god. =D> He thinks that Wiccans are sexist
He says Wiccans are people who chose that religion because they have nothing to look forward to. He says they think if they have a certain money charm their going to get rich. He also refferenced he saw this in blah movie, etc. I know he won't ever change his mind because:
I'm his only biological child.
If he let me leave the church, grandparents wouldn't be too pleased.
He prob'ly thinks I'll be rejected by his family, making him a bad father.
But, I'm deciding that if I really feel that Wicca is right, I'll keep bringing it up daily. Eventually (Knowing him.
) he'll let me have my way so I won't have to bother him. The only snag is that every timeI bring this up, he gets stubborn and close-minded.
In response to previous posts:
I think that Wiccan books might be available in the library, but not sure.
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:34 pm
Search for them in the library. But don't use the computer to try to find them. In my Public Libraries, the computer stuff is not catagorized properly. In fact, I've taken a book from the New Age section to the computer to see what keywords it's under. And it didn't have any. I asked them why not, and got some little inane answer like "Really, I don't know how that happened. If you'll just fill out this form, we'll have someone look into it".
And the next week, When I tried to look for the book, it was gone, moved to a different library. When I asked why, I got told that the other library had requested it there.
I've learned to not ask for anything beyond "Where is the New Age section?". That way my books don't get taken away and they simply put them back afterward. They'll look the other way so long as you're not forcing them to acknowledge the "problem".
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:48 pm
Mahala wrote:If he let me leave the church, grandparents wouldn't be too pleased.
My Dad's parents are evangelical Christians and
lay preachers. No matter how strong I am in my faith, there's no way I'd ever tell them about my beliefs (at the moment anyway, I will have to reconsider when/if I plan to get handfasted!) I don't see the point in making a family issue of my beliefs and I know my granddad particularly would take an active interest in 'bringing me back to Christ', which would eventually break his heart because I never believed in Christ anyway and I'd have to tell him.
If you don't live near your grandparents, they don't need to know, (and you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to.) My grands live on a boat, so I see them a few times a year, but not enough that they need to know whether I go to church or not.
I don't understand how your Dad can say Wiccans are sexist for having a God and Goddess, surely it's more sexist to have a single God? I don't know. For the moment anyway, I think you will have to respect your Dad and not study Wicca in the house. I don't think any of us would want you to have a bad relationship with him over religion and it's good that your brother has no hard feelings for you - my brother is an athiest, but he doesn't treat me as anything other than his big sister
The thing to remember is that you can
live a Wiccan life without wearing the jewellry and having the books and having the robes. If you have decided Wicca is the path for you, you're a Wiccan when you're playing your violin, wearing your school clothes and riding your horse. I've been a witch for many years now and I've been a witch every moment of every day, whether I'm in my circle, watching tv with my beloved or just doing chores! You can be Wiccan right under your Dad's nose without lying to him or hurting his feelings.
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:57 pm
The thing to remember is that you can live a Wiccan life without wearing the jewellry and having the books and having the robes. If you have decided Wicca is the path for you, you're a Wiccan when you're playing your violin, wearing your school clothes and riding your horse. I've been a witch for many years now and I've been a witch every moment of every day, whether I'm in my circle, watching tv with my beloved or just doing chores! You can be Wiccan right under your Dad's nose without lying to him or hurting his feelings.
This is what I'll try. I know what soime people mean when they say truth isn't always the best policy.
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:10 pm
Libraries should have the books. I'd suggest finding out if your local library has a website and search for books on the subject there. I live in the Houston area, and my library has about 10 locations and they send books from any location to any location. They have books on any subject you could ever dream of.
Also, if money is an issue, don't buy from Borders or B&N or anyplace like that. Try to find a used bookstore or use ebay or amazon.com. Your dad might be a bit more open to it if the book was significantly cheaper
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 2:45 pm
going to use my
money for that reason, so he can't say it is a waste. IMO, I'm not wasting money if I buy only 1 book. I've got $14.03 in hand right now, so he can't stop me from buying a cheaper book.
The one I wanted is $24.95. I'm off to look for the local library's website, if they have one...
I found the more expensive book on Ebay for $4.60.
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 3:36 pm
Been so obnoxious to send you a pm.
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 4:24 pm
OOPS! I think my response to this ended up in your book list post!
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 10:26 pm
Kystar wrote:OOPS! I think my response to this ended up in your book list post!
You mean this one?
I think a number of newcomers don't think about the mythology aspect of paganism...but in my world, a love of mythology and fairy tales led me to thinking about other religions.
Wicca and paganism is about finding the right path to the divine, but how do you know who the divine is if you don't know their varied many names? Though the Wicca books talk about various goddesses, they're not always giving a full story. An author might be a follower of Diana, while your personality might mesh better with her greek counterpart, Artemis. And so you know, Roman and Greek names aren't always interchangable...since there are subtle differences between what the Romans assigned a god/goddess, and what the Greeks put them in charge of.
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 11:57 pm
My family's fairly atheistic. My dad's a bit of a non-practicing Christian and he gets a little agitated when I talk about paganism, because he thinks I'm messing with powers I don't understand and that... oh, I dunno, that I'm going to open a gate to hell and unlease the apocalypse or something
It's a shame, really, because I think he and Odin would rather get along. The rest of my family is just a bit... non
on the whole question of religion. They don't know much about paganism, and I see no reason to tell them, as it would only make them fidgetty and uncomfortable. A couple of them have bought me a spellbook for christmas or my birthday, but whether they think of it as a religion or as new-age fun or as just the craft, I don't know. Hmm. I don't think my family talks enough.
Anyway, I think my point is, I don't have to talk to my family about my religion to be religious. Like Jescissa said, you're a Wiccan in your jeans as much as when you're robed or skyclad. Your father probably wants the best for you, anyway. It sounds like you're convincing him that you're serious about it, and in this context that's probably a good thing. I think. What was I saying? (Sorry, it's been a long day. My brain ain't working.) Even if your dad lets you study Wicca freely, you don't have to come out of the broomcloset to anyone else.