I swear I am not making this up...

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lucas
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I swear I am not making this up...

Post by lucas » Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:00 pm

There has been a lawsuit filed in a Kenyan court to clear the name of jesus, claiming, among other things, that he wasn't given a fair trial and that his sentence was illegal.


http://www.reuters.com/news/video?video ... on_reuters

I am waiting on official word of the pardon from bush.
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

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Ragnar
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Post by Ragnar » Sat Sep 01, 2007 11:41 pm

There was an interesting article in the news here a few months go which was equally as strange.

Apparently Mary "It was an angel....honest", was officially made the Queen of Poland just after the Communists fell. NOW they are petitioning to make this jesus character the King.

Trouble is it was a radio programme, so no links other than it Was on RBB radio.

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Crazy Healer Lady
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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sun Sep 02, 2007 3:35 am

Oh my... This is very bizarre. WAS there even a doubt that Jesus's human rights were violated when he was crucified?? Isn't that sort of one of the reasons he is a martyr?

This is honestly the sort of argument or lawschool students, not lawyers in a high court.
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Dark Waters
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Post by Dark Waters » Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:34 pm

Roman Law used crucifixtion as a punishment quite often. It was a standard punishment, remember he was only one of three put to death on Calvary that day, the other two being thieves. Kinda makes the Muslim law of cutting off one hand for thievery, seem almost humane by comparison.

True, the other two were tied to their crosses rather than nailed, but then they had their legs smashed to prevent them from pushing up to extend their life.
I'm living in the Shadows and the Night,
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My Path shines by the Moon's fragile light,
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Windwalker
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Post by Windwalker » Tue Sep 04, 2007 7:31 pm

Crucifixion?! Crucifixion?! Best thing the Romans ever did for us! If we didn't have crucifixion we'd be in a right bloody mess, I can tell you! Nail 'em up, I say! Nail some sense into 'em!

Now, let's consider here. Compare with our friend Draco. Loitering? Death. Littering? Death. Owe money to someone higher on the social ladder than you are? Slavery!
"Yes, it's unfair," said Draco. "Little crimes and big crimes get the same punishment. If only I could think of a greater punishment for the worse crimes!"

*shrug* Well, if Jesus gets a post-mortem pardon, there's a fair number of others who should get the same.
si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes

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Kitsune
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Post by Kitsune » Wed Sep 05, 2007 1:00 pm

Sorry, but as an aside... which Draco are we talking about? :oops: :-?
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

http://www.bamatthews.comThe Writings and Musings of B.A. Matthews

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Windwalker
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Post by Windwalker » Sat Sep 08, 2007 6:57 am

Kitsune wrote:Sorry, but as an aside... which Draco are we talking about? :oops: :-?
I knew it! I knew some crazy person would automatically think Harry Potter. I'm talking about the loony Athenian fellow.
si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes

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Kitsune
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Post by Kitsune » Sun Sep 09, 2007 4:19 pm

I just have not done any study on historical people with the name Draco. :-D

Quite honestly, I thought it was name fantasy writers invented to make their characters seem fiercer. I didnt realize that it was actually a real name! Thanks for the clarification! :-D
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

http://www.bamatthews.comThe Writings and Musings of B.A. Matthews

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katsu
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Post by katsu » Mon Sep 10, 2007 12:42 am

Something along this road??????
The Lawsuit from Hell


By: Ross Laguzza

Upon arriving in hell, a gentleman--we shall call him Mr. Marklin--discovers that his new environs are something less than tolerable and, indeed, a good bit unpleasant. Being a modern man of the 21st century, he quickly formulates a plan: "I'll sue!" He has no trouble finding a plaintiff's lawyer who files a lawsuit against God, the creator.

The lawyer's theory is simple, yet profound: God created an unreasonably dangerous and ultra-hazardous condition (temptation) and failed to adequately monitor and warn the plaintiff of the inherent risks of being a human male. God assigns the case to in-house counsel who sets to work on filing the typical responses and motions.

After a slow start, the case quickly progresses to trial in Mississippi. While there initially was some difficulty seating an impartial jury (a surprising number of prospective jurors hold strong biases toward heaven and hell), the trial commences.

Naturally, every good lawyer understands the need to tell a good story. The plaintiff lawyer settles on the following case themes:

- Life is filled with temptation and want: ask me how I know.

- God failed to adequately and clearly warn of the risks, even though God knew or should have known about these risks.

- Even a cursory examination of God's record shows a pattern and practice of deceptive and unreasonably dangerous behavior.

- Hell, like McDonald's coffee, is too hot.

- The plaintiff has endured physical and emotional suffering and deserves compensation.

- The jury needs to send a message that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated by the good (and bad) citizens of this community.

In support of his case, the plaintiff marshals an impressive group of witnesses:

Lucifer: "Hell violates every freakin' OSHA standard in the book!"
University of Southern Mississippi Economist: Calculates value of the loss of eternal bliss.
Mississippi State Professor of Ethics: "Eternal damnation is morally questionable at best."
Plaintiff Marklin: "Hell, yes, I'm a victim!"

In-house counsel, no slouch himself, orchestrates his defense around the following core messages:

- Live and learn.
- Plaintiff Marklin knew the risks of sin since he was a young boy attending an oppressive religious school.
- The Ten Commandments are well publicized.
- Nothing matters; it's all predestined anyway.
- This is an attorney-driven lawsuit with no real merit.
- Should you decide to find for the plaintiff, the most he is entitled to is purgatory.

The defense presents the testimony of these fine witnesses:

St. Peter: "I calls 'em as I sees 'em."
Expert on Moral Reasoning from Harvard: "The paradoxical implication of moral integrity in the context of infinite time is that good is bad and bad is good."
Berkeley Economist: "Plaintiff's economist failed to standardize the beta weights in his multiple regression equation."
Moses: "You call that suffering?"
Groucho Marx: "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member."
Professor of Metaphysics from MIT: "Everywhere you go, there you are."

Following rousing closing arguments, the case goes to the jury. They deliberate for 46 minutes before returning a verdict. The verdict is announced to a hushed courtroom: "We, the jury, find in favor of the plaintiff and award him the keys to the kingdom of heaven."

A consultant is retained by the defense to determine what went wrong. During the post-trial interviews, the jurors indicate that they weren't mad but thought that God could have done more to warn about the risks or, better yet, to remove the risks altogether. Most felt the warning should have been clearer, in larger type, and in brighter colors.

They also felt that some sort of automatic system should be developed to prevent people from making choices that might threaten their eternal splendor. One juror, a retired engineer, proposed a device that would beep (or vibrate if the person was in the theater) whenever a person was at risk of going to hell in a hand-basket or other conveyance. The foreperson apparently led the jury with the idea that life should be 100% consequence-free and "this personal responsibility thing has gotten way out of hand."

These arguments made sense to the other jurors. The two jurors who were hardest to persuade believed that the plaintiff was negligent, but couldn't deny that hell seemed a bit extreme. They were hoping the damages could be placed in a community repository for future generations, but upon learning that this was impossible, resignedly went along with the others.

The jurors were in agreement in their round dislike for the plaintiff Marklin as an individual, but felt their verdict was making the world a bit safer for everyone. One side note: Several jurors felt God's failure to appear at the trial was a sign of arrogance and few accepted the defense argument that "God is everywhere and besides he is really busy." The case is on appeal.
(from: http://www.e-articole.ro/Article/The-La ... Hell/41383)

Or even worse (this is not Satire!!!!)
http://legalminds.lp.findlaw.com/list/l ... 04946.html *dismissed*
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1576068.html
http://wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=56680 *as above*


And they wonder why I'm Pagan...... ;)
/|\

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Windwalker
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Post by Windwalker » Mon Sep 10, 2007 7:54 pm

Kitsune wrote:Quite honestly, I thought it was name fantasy writers invented to make their characters seem fiercer. I didnt realize that it was actually a real name! Thanks for the clarification! :-D
He's where we get the term "draconian" from (at least, where it means "harsh" and not "related to dragons"). :-D
si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes

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Kitsune
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Post by Kitsune » Tue Sep 11, 2007 9:31 am

That's cool. Thanks. See, I'm learning new stuff everyday! :lol: :-D
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

http://www.bamatthews.comThe Writings and Musings of B.A. Matthews

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Willow
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Post by Willow » Tue Sep 11, 2007 10:06 am

Very nice Katsu!
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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