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Help...

Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:44 pm
by Rowan
To keep it brief, three years ago this month, a relationship that I naively assumed was good and would last ended. I was devistated. My heart was destroyed.

I've done my best to move on, realising that the lack of understanding is just what I have accept. I've filled in the blanks on my own and at this point don't care whether it's the right answer or the wrong one.

Yesterday my X decided to try adding me as a friend on Facebook. I denied, of course, and told Facebook that I have no idea who this person is. Hopefully this will deter future attempts at contact. I'm sure that my words at the initial ending of our relationship are what's prompting the contact. I said, then, that I wanted us to be friends despite everything. But now I don't. I didn't know then how bad I would feel or that I would seek counseling to deal with everything. Honestly, it was my first relationship wherein I felt that I'd found my soulmate. I'd never felt such loss.

But after seeing the X trying to contact me again, I've felt gutted all over again. I thought it would pass after a day, but it hasn't. Right now all I want to do is crawl in bed and sleep for a while. This is the way I felt three years ago.

I don't know what I'm really seeking here. Guidance? Help? I don't know. I know I'm not alone. I've got friends to talk to about it, but in a way I guess I'm trying every avenue I can to ask for strength to deal with all of this.
:smt090

Re: Help...

Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 2:38 pm
by forgotten oceans
Awwww. I'm sorry to hear it. I know how it feels to think 'this is it, this is the ONE' and then have the rug jerked out from under you. It sucks. What sucks more is when people tell you that time heals all wounds, 'cause it doesn't, you know it, I know it, and they know it, but it's nice to say and sounds good to hear. What time does do is make it easier to forget, eventually all those memories will fade. First it'll be just how long you dated, then places you went, their favorite this or that, and eventually things like exact eye color, and smell will fade too. It just takes time, unless you're gifted at forgetting things, then it takes even less time. :lol: But seriously, I'm sorry for your hurt, you're being thought of. [-o<

Re: Help...

Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 2:48 pm
by Rowan
Thanks forgotten. :) Most of the time I have everything tucked away in a box in my heart and my head, but then it gets sprung open unexpectedly and I'm left with cleaning up the mess. Again.

Re: Help...

Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 5:12 pm
by forgotten oceans
OMGs!!! I thought I was the only one who did that!!! 'All the things I've ever wanted to forget don't wanna stay forgotten.' - me. I like to call it my Heart Box. :-D Oh wow, I don't feel so crazy all the sudden. Thanks... :hug:

Re: Help...

Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 6:18 pm
by Kystar
I have a mental barrel. Filled with dark water. Drown the things I don't care to remember. Unfortunately, they tend to slosh around and spill. I need to work on that mental imagery, I think.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Rowan. I've had a couple of bad breakups, too. I know it's always painful.

Re: Help...

Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 6:37 pm
by Clettko
Rowan I am sorry you're hurting. There's nothing worse then having your heart broken by someone you are so totally in love with. It must have really given you a jolt learning that your X is reaching out to you after 3 yrs. Maybe you should consider just telling this X that you have moved on and do not wish to get involved even in a friendship kind of way, your trust and faith in any kind of relationship with this person has been shaken. And, I've found that the deeper you love someone, and no matter how much time has passes the hurt (for me anyway) is always there. Be strong!! Take your time and think about what this person did to you before you decide what to do. I don't know if this helps but I hope so....c :hug:

Re: Help...

Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 5:51 am
by Rowan
Thanks for all of your responses. It's good to see that others deal with this kind of stuff the same way I do. I am finally feeling better today and I'd like to think it's because of the good vibes from you all here and my friends as well.