My mom in the Hospital

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Max
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Re: My mom in the Hospital

Post by Max » Sat Feb 07, 2009 2:25 am

Sending blessings to your Mom Lotus x
"I am not young enough to know everything." Oscar Wilde

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Lotus
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Re: My mom in the Hospital

Post by Lotus » Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:02 am

Thanks for the well wishes.

I have been struggling with this whole thing for some time now. As many of you here know, I have not had the most stellar relationship with my mother. My sadness is because she is my mother but she was not the greatest mother in the world. She was always rude, cruel, nasty, and hyper-critical towards everyone (especially me) her whole life. The nurses at the nursing station absolutely loathed her at the Cleveland Clinic mostly due to the reason up above.
I just have such mixed feelings. She is up to her old tricks of trying to screw over my dad. Even though he paid for everything her whole life she is trying to split it (unevenly I might add) between myself and my brother. Quite frankly, I feel that none of this stuff rightfully belongs to either of us and should go to my dad. My brother is so greedy that he would screw over our father.
In the hospital visiting her, My SO noted that she devoted the whole day to trying to get me pissed off. I think she was going to use that as an opportunity to justify favoring my brother in her will. She even said outlandish untrue crap like my Dad has another kid. I did confront him and yes, it is not true at all!
She said anything possible to get under my skin.
The whole trip was just miserable. We got lost in Cleveland at night in a bad neighborhood and almost got mugged. She was just trying to get a rise out of me the whole day. To boot, there really was no reason for people to make the sacrifices that they made so that I could go up there. I feel guilty for that because she pulled her typical games. My old district supervisor had to battle it out with my new district supervisor just to get me to go up there (the DS are on a rotation). My manager had to work two days open to close in a row. My SO had to deal with me being disgruntled and snapping at him the whole time because she was pushing my buttons. I know this all makes me look selfish.
The past few years I have to keep this woman at arms distance so that we would not perpetually fight. I simply am sick of being her punching bag and trying to have her little pity party. The sky is always falling in her world and if something good does happen in her life she throws it in your face.

Mind you I am not greedy and it is not actually about money or china for me but here is an example: In the hospital, she told me that I would be getting her China set. They a few days latter she calls saying that my Brother got dibs on it and he is getting the whole freaking thing (a collection collected upon for twenty years). She continues to say that I could buy a set from her Boyfriend if I really wanted some China.
Does anyone see my point?
What about my father who paid for the set…..what does he get?
Also, my brother is getting an emerald ring that was my godmother’s ring. She left it to me when she was dying then why is my brother getting it?
It is all her little game. Whoever jumps through all her little hoops to her liking wins.


I do not know.

BB
Lotus
I have not been the same since that house fell on my sister.

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Bandersnatch
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Re: My mom in the Hospital

Post by Bandersnatch » Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:33 am

Lotus,
That sounds so awful - I am sorry you are having such a hard time. :hug:

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Crazy Healer Lady
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Re: My mom in the Hospital

Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Mon Feb 09, 2009 11:12 am

Lotus I feel so badly for you. Inheritances are always a tricky subject, especially when one or more family members are greedy and others actually have people in mind over things. In that respect, I recommend you have a good lawyer, not because these things have value, but so that you can help protect your father, and yes, have the emerald ring that means that much to you. Pick your battles, though.

I wish your mother was willing to make what she sees as her last months a peaceful and loving time. I will continue to send loving energy your way.

Actually, I feel strongly that you might benefit from seeing a Psych-K practitioner. Let them know you would like to do a relationship balance with your mother. Very powerful stuff. My sis - who hired people to have me beaten as we were growing up, among other things - and I are actually becoming friends, and I feel much of it is because of Psych-K. She has completely turned her life around since we started doing Psych-K.

http://www.psych-k.com/pages/instructors.php You can find a practitioner registered here.
Crazy Healer Lady
Health and happiness to you!

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Kystar
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Re: My mom in the Hospital

Post by Kystar » Mon Feb 09, 2009 9:00 pm

Urgh, Sorry to hear about the madness. Lotus.

I can totally relate to the issues with your mom, mine was emotionally abusive and manipulative, too.

I hope things either improve with her health or improve with your coping and support system. And yes, a lawyer might be a good idea.
You say "Witch" like it's a bad thing!

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Willow
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Re: My mom in the Hospital

Post by Willow » Thu Feb 12, 2009 5:42 am

Crappy crappy, my Mom was similar but (fortunately?) my Dad left her and she joined AA and now we have a really good relationship (after much counselling). But don't feel guilty, one thing I learned in Al-Anon is that you can't be responsible for other peoples actions, only your response to them. I wish I knew what the right response is but I wll pray for wisdom as you navigate this difficult situation and peace for your mother.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Lotus
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Re: My mom in the Hospital

Post by Lotus » Sat Feb 14, 2009 10:46 am

Thanks. Part of me really needed to vent about it, thanks for that as well. We are still arguing about it and I am still upset.
On the surface now it seems that she is trying to make things right....still favoring my brother but, trying.
Yes, I would agree that there needs to be a good healing done.

*sigh*
BB,
Lotus
I have not been the same since that house fell on my sister.

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