OMG! It never quits!

Kinda like a prayer chain ...
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Kitsune
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Post by Kitsune » Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:39 am

Congratulations Krystar!

And I applaud your action... I'm dealing with a slightly more covert version in my wedding. My sister is like a Viper... Not overly religious... just plain mean, though. Plus she and Grimwell really don't get along... and neither do me and her anymore... The problem is, her husband is great, and I would love to have her kids come... :roll: :-?

Ah well, at least I have a good year and a bit to work on this perplexing problem!

Good job with Yours! And you have to tell me how you're paying so little! I'm having 50 guests, but I'm having trouble cutting costs below five grand! Kudos girl, And let me know what your secrets are! ;)
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

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Post by Kystar » Fri Oct 12, 2007 11:10 am

The Secrets to a Cheap Wedding:

1 - Do not hold it during the "peak" season. Peak season is usually May to Oct. One week before or after peak gets you deals...BIG deals. I wanted a Halloween (or the weekend prior), but doing the weekend AFTER gets us out of a Room Fee, minimum food requirement.

2 - Find a site that isn't exactly in the "ideal" area in your city (ours is a golf course an hour+ outside of Pittsburgh), but is nice enough that you want to be there.

3 - Find a place that does a bunch of things for a flat fee or a good fee. For example, since we're having ours in a restaurant attached to a golf course, they do the decorating, place settings and all of that for the cost of the food. And since they're a restaurant, it's all in-house. No Caterer

4 - don't pay for booze.

5 - Keep It Simple and Smooth - Avoid grandiose extras like Ice Sculptures (Unless you're using the silly thing as a punch bowl!)

6 - utilize the talents of your friends and family - if a family member/friend likes to bake, ask them to make the cookies instead of getting you a gift. If a friend is a wiz with fake flowers, have them make the decorations.

7 - limit the external input as much as possible. If you have a problem, yeah, get advice, but don't let anyone dictate to you. it usually ends up being a bigger deal than you want it to be. I almost was backed into a corner to invite over 100 ppl.

8 - Find a small photography studio trying to make a name for themselves, you'll get a discount usually. Same with DJ's.

9 - NEVER let a coordinator or salesperson pressure you...if your Fiance isn't there, claim you have to ask their opinion...or your maid of honor, or your mother...just don't let them back you into a corner and make you commit to something that you didn't research.

10 - Bridal shows can sometimes give you discounts and stuff...including a good list of possible's for any thing you need...and don't be afraid to try to haggle or negotiate.

Those are the best points I can think of right now...OH! One more thing! Try to find a place where you can hold the ceremony and the reception together...that way you're not paying a Hall/church fee + a reception fee.

Honestly, to avoid the fee of an officiant, hit a JP a bit prior, and just have a friend or family member run the ceremony. If you do it in the Judge's office, you only have to pay the paperwork fees...at least in PA. Some priests and whatnot charge you a fee to do your wedding...which I think is bogus but oh well. Unless you're just having a JP do it anyway...then I think they can only charge you travel.

OH! Big one here, avoid Limo rentals, and off-site photography unless you're moving from a ceremony site to a reception site. I understand the wanting to travel in style, but seriously, what's the point of a limo? Rent a nice car and pay a friend to drive, you'll save buku bucks. Like, there are some nice Lincolns and stuff that are almost limo-like, or a Caddy. Caddys are SWEET.
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Post by Willow » Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:00 pm

Sorry it took me so long to respond to this thread.

Kystar...I feel your pain, my wedding is set for August second and things are starting to heat up. Money isn't a problem, but everything we decide offends some section of some family.

I am sending you blessings for your patience and wisdom in dealing with different family..er..situations.

My fiance and I are doing two weddings, a catholic one for him and a more secular one for me. the Catholic one is immediate family only and the secular one is for everyone. I am planning on throwing ina few innocuous scottish tradistions such asa coin toss, maybe an exchange of tartans. I would love a good Celtic love reading but I need to do some research. There will be a passage from the bible, mostly to pacify my fundy family.

I don't know if it would help you, but my SO and I have two rules. that we always back each other up, and that we only talk to our own family's (read I don't fight with his Mom about anythign in the wedding). I know that has helped a lot, as soon as his parents start questioning me, I tell them they have to talk to my SO about that topic.

Anyway, good luck, keep us informed.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
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Post by Lotus » Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:25 pm

It is good that you put your foot down because it never is going to quit unless you do so.
Willow's idea of having bride and groom deal with their individual families is a very sound one. It shows that you support each other and does not out someone as the "enemy" or something.

A very polished note for mom seems like a good idea to me. I would recomend signing the note as being from both of you instead of just being from one. Again, its a support thing. This would also diminish your B-I-L claim of it being "your issue" to work out.

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Post by Kystar » Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:39 pm

Tony sometimes talks to my mom b/c she actually LISTENS to him, instead of arguing back and forth with me.

The note is going to have to come from me because the issues are older than this wedding.

Thanks for all the blessings.
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Post by Dark Waters » Sat Oct 13, 2007 8:15 pm

Blessings from the Air
May both your minds entwine and freely soar

Blessings from the Fire
May your passions blaze and burn forever more

Blessings from the Water
May you flow easily with life's changing call

Blessings from the Earth
May you stand as one stone before one and all



And Blessings from me to you as you join.

The above was something that just came to mind as I read through the posts, I hope you enjoy.
I'm living in the Shadows and the Night,
Wrapped in warm darkness, safe and sure.
My Path shines by the Moon's fragile light,
It frees my Mind and keeps my Heart pure.

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Post by white_harmony » Sun Oct 14, 2007 1:35 pm

Kystar wrote:One more thing! Try to find a place where you can hold the ceremony and the reception together...that way you're not paying a Hall/church fee + a reception fee.
That's exactly what Arcanum Owl and I are doing! lol So far we've been lucky with our plans for the wedding, we've had a few ideas thrown our way, but no over the top "you must do it this way!" nudges from family or friends. We were a little afraid once we put it out there and said we were getting married that we'd have some people from our families try and push us into things we didn't want to do, but since we've told a few people what it is we're looking for on our day, they've left it alone. It's been nice.

I feel your pain though Kystar. Getting everything organised and planned the way you want things is a big enough hassle in itself without other people trying to make your day their day. Good on you for standing up to it all and putting your foot down! I hope everything turns out just the way you want it for your special day :-D
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Post by FyreGarnet » Sun Oct 14, 2007 7:55 pm

Goodness dear. I feel for you. I've been dealing with similar issues. People telling me when and where to have the wedding reception. My grandmother has said that I'll regret not having a white wedding dress. I'm planning on a green one. Well, it's my wedding and I can do what I want.

I did tell your story to my mother. And I told her in no uncertain terms that if people do not behave, I too will uninvite people. I told her it was point to my grandmother, who she talks to more than I, but it was mostly for her benefit to hear.

She, also, has been making a big deal about paying for the stuff that I'm buying. I told her if it's a big deal, she can pay me back, but to that she replied that we will just have to see. The old saying that means I doubt it. I somehow think that the only reason she wants to pay for it is that then she has a say in what is going on.

I hope that everything gets better for you my dear.

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Post by Kitsune » Mon Oct 15, 2007 9:15 am

Well, since those were mostly my plans anyways it should be okay. I just may have to Deal with not getting married on Beltane, and moving it to Candlemas instead... Is Candlemas considered an auspicious time for a wedding? :-?

What do you guys think?

Anyways, me and Joe are going to have the ceremony in Belize (with just us, his family that lives there, and his mother, because she's overbearing and it's just easier for us to say "Yes, you can come, but we're not having a Christian wedding, we're having a pagan ritual, capish?" :lol: )

Then, we're going to have the actual reception a year and a day later. So I'm allowed to say that I have no idea when the actual wedding will be, because I don't know until we actually fly down there and do it!
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Mon Oct 15, 2007 1:18 pm

A wedding on a day that celebrates Brigit??? I don't think that's bad at all 8-) In fact, I think it's quite beautiful.

I took these from http://www.ucc.ie/fecc/imbolc.html as I was looking for some info to give credit to this.
“Candlemas” is the Christianized name for the holiday, of course. The older Pagan names were Imbolc and Oimelc. Imbolc means, literally, “in the belly” (of the Mother). For in the womb of Mother Earth, hidden from our mundane sight but sensed by a keener vision, there are stirrings. The seed that was planted in her womb at the solstice is quickening and the new year grows. Oimelc means “milk of ewes”, for it is also lambing season.
The holiday is also called “Brigit’s Day”, in honor of the great Irish Goddess Brigit. At her shrine, the ancient Irish capitol of Kildare, a group of nineteen priestesses (no men allowed) kept a perpetual flame burning in her honor. She was considered a Goddess of fire, patroness of smithcraft, poetry, and healing (especially the healing touch of midwifery). This tripartite symbolism was occasionally expressed by saying that Brigit had two sisters, also named Brigit. (Incidentally, another form of the name Brigit is Bride, and it is thus she bestows her special patronage on any woman about to be married or handfasted, the woman being called “bride” in her honor.)
(Emphasis mine)

^__^ I think Imbolc is a great day to do it.
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Post by Willow » Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:08 pm

Oh neat CHL, thanks.

I should find out if there is anything special about August 2nd.

That's cool Kystar, advice is like medicine, it doesn't work for everyone, take what you can and ignore the rest.

Good luck with the letter.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Mon Oct 15, 2007 7:51 pm

Well Lammas is a time of harvest, of fruit, and this considering, at a glance holding a wedding on a day of harvest might symbolically represent and therefore help bestow a bountiful, full marriage, especially if you are wanting children.

Now this is interesting: I found this on http://www.chalicecentre.net/lughnasadh.htm :
This was also an occasion for handfasting, or trial marriages. Young men and women lined up on either side of a wooden gate in a high wall, in which a hole was carved, large enough for a hand. One by one, girl and boy would grasp a hand in the hole, without being able to see who was on the other side. They were now married, and could live together for year and day to see if it worked out. If not, the couple returned to next year’s gathering and officially separated by standing back to back and walking away from each other.
Wow you guys are using good intuition on picking your days!
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Post by Kitsune » Tue Oct 16, 2007 7:46 am

Wow, Crazy!!!! That's awesome!

We were originally planning on Beltane, but like I said, the prices in Febuary to Belize are nearly $850 cheaper than they are in the first week of May! :lol:

And I didn't know that last part about Bridgit at all! I was simply thinking that since it's the festival of creativity and the fires of creation that it might be a good time for a handfasting.

Well, if me and Joe are able to then, it'll be a wedding at Imbolc (providing that we can afford it so soon after Christmas). A handfasting ritual on the beach... I get all starry-eyed just thinking about it...

But I'll stop now before I start boring you all with the details! :-D Thanks for letting me wax poetic as long as you have!

Once again, Congrats Krystar! :-D I have a beautiful celtic blessing at home... I'll see if I find it today or tomorrow and post it here!
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

http://www.bamatthews.comThe Writings and Musings of B.A. Matthews

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Post by Jescissa » Wed Oct 17, 2007 7:46 am

Blessings for strength and patience willingly sent. It sounds like you've really been through the mill, but it's good that you are able to stand up for yourself. I don't think I could be so measured, I'm more likely to get angry and insult people :lol: I hope everything goes well for everyone's handfastings too!

I was supposed to be HPS at my friend's handfasting this September, but it's been postponed due to financial reasons :s I was really looking forward to it!
"If you trust in yourself and believe in your dreams and follow your star...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Goodbye." - Miss Tick, Terry Pratchett's Wee Free Men

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Kystar
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Post by Kystar » Thu Oct 18, 2007 4:14 am

Thanks for all the blessings, guys.

Oh, I did get angry and started insulting at the end...but that's okay b/c they pushed me past all endurance. My once b-i-l actually accused me of trying to scam money out of the sale of my mom's house! :evil:

I'm waiting for some form of contact back from my mom to see if she's coming or not, but I'm guessing NOT after the letter that I sent. See, my mom wants to be coddled and cosseted, but still wants to be in charge. So, she wanted US to do her hotel reservations or her rides and organize when she's getting picked up for everything and whatnot...but at the same time, she wanted to be there for all the prep work so she could dictate how my hair, makeup, and nails were supposed to be, how the hall was supposed to be set up et cetra, et cetra. In my letter of "Ground Rules" I basically told her she was an adult, act like it. Meaning, you find your own way there like the rest of the guests, sit down, and keep your mouth shut. I'm paying for everything which means you don't get a vote, you don't get an opinion.

I think she's going to be so incensed that I dared to tell her that I'm not going to make Tony drive her around, or find someone else to play patsy to her, and that I'm basically telling her to shut her trap. I'm probably not going to hear from her, and if I do, it will be screaming. Fun.

Oh well.

Countdown at: 17 days...gulp.

However, I've gotten a LOT accomplished this past week, b/c my Maid of Honor was in, and she helped me run all around doing errands.

So I got everything finalized with our site, organized favors, decorations, hair, and so forth and so on. Just need to make some hotel reservations for the night of, into the day after for a bit of downtime before Tony has to go back to work.

Thanks again.
Hugs to all, and good luck to all that are getting married!
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