OMG! It never quits!

Kinda like a prayer chain ...
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Kystar
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OMG! It never quits!

Post by Kystar » Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:30 am

Okay...I'm sorry to slop this around, but I REALLY need some positive thoughts here.

See, last year we were supposed to get married...money issues happened w/kitty getting sick and we had to postpone it.

The ENTIRE year, I've had family up my butt about EVERY decision we've made; from the site, to the day, to the ceremony, to the guest list.

NOW, my b-i-l just crawled up my backside b/c I said that they can't bring their 1 year old...and why exactly can't his in-town Grandma who doesn't see him at all watch him for a few hours? Well, apparently, saying that children aren't permitted at your semi-formal dinner is a freaking Hanging offense, because I just got a lecture about FAMILY LOYALTY from this man! I made it clear that there were SAFETY concerns, since the site has weapons on display. They tried to say I was accusing them of not being attentive parents!

THEN HE HAD THE INFINITE GALL TO STATE THAT IT"S NOT A REAL WEDDING ANYWAYS! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE PEOPLE! THEY MAY BE MY FAMILY ACCORDING TO A STUPID PIECE OF PAPER IN A COURTHOUSE, BUT THEY SURE AS HADES AREN'T ACTING LIKE FAMILY!

Sigh...I guess what I'm asking is that everyone who wants to gives me strength enough to say what I need to say without descending into petty b/s. I think it's time I told my sister, mom and b-i-l what I think of THEIR version of FAMILY!

Oh, and patience would be nice...b/c see, I asked for RSVP's to be back by the 15th, and I only have five back out of 25 sent...EEEP! :-?
You say "Witch" like it's a bad thing!

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Post by Kitsune » Thu Oct 11, 2007 9:12 am

I feel for you and share your pain!

I haven't had that much trouble yet, but then again, I'm still trying to figure out where to get five Grand from to pay for the (*&(*%&^ thing!

I say, tell 'em exactly what you think of them! They deserve to know that it's your wedding, and if you don't want their child around (because no child under 6 can keep their emotions under control at a wedding... I think it's because they haven't lost their empathy yet, and the roiled emotions of the guests are too much for them! Not their fault though), it's your decision... and with Weapons being there, it wouldn't be safe. I'm personally including an age requirement for my reception.

Now if they are paying for all of it, then you're in a little more trouble, because then their opinions actually count... Otherwise, screw 'em... It's your wedding, your choice.

Tell the brother-in-law that since he doesn't consider it a "real wedding" then he won't mind not having a "real invitation" anymore and he can pay for his own meal. :lol:
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

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Kystar
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Post by Kystar » Thu Oct 11, 2007 11:14 am

Thanks, Kitsune!

No, the only ppl paying for ANYTHING is us. I don't understand the desire to include an infant in what basically amounts to a semi-formal dance/dinner.

However, I have to say that a shower focused on cleansing the mind, body and spirit is a wonderful way to get emotions under control and things in perspective.

I've been dealing with the various prejudices of this group of people, who aren't even related to me by blood, for YEARS. I think I'm drawing the line in the sand.

HUGS.

If I'm lucky, I'll be able to squeak out of this with only $1500! Go ME! Then again, I didn't even invite a full 50 PPL...so...LOL..
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Post by Lotus » Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:17 pm

Now, why does he not think that it is a real wedding? Is this a religious intolerance issue or just him being a jerk?

I'd just straight up tell these people off.

BB
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Post by Kystar » Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:30 pm

I think it's because we went to a JP last year for health Insurance reasons.

See, there's a difference between being married in the eyes of the law, and being married in the eyes of the divine...but I don't think he's able to see that difference.

Tony's treating this like a backwards handfasting...since we've been married legally for a year, and now we're standing before the divine to declare that we are going to stay together.
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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Thu Oct 11, 2007 6:08 pm

Oh Kystar... What a mess family can make of family things!

Prayers for patience and strength are with you. Let them know what they are doing, not just in a logical sense, but to you as well. I am not in favour of guilt-tripping, although here I cannot see it too wrong, but perhaps telling them how you honestly feel and will help them to realize they can shut their traps and just CELEBRATE YOU for ONE DAY.

:evil: :evil: This is where I'd calmly, or loudly, say, "A wedding is a celebration and if you cannot shut your traps and CELEBRATE US for a few measely hours you do not deserve to come and obviously do not have any desire to be part our lives!!!"
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Health and happiness to you!

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Post by morgana » Thu Oct 11, 2007 6:19 pm

I agree with everything already said, it's YOUR day not theirs, and most especially not the 1 year old child in question's day. Children that young really have no place at such things as they are too young yet to understand what's going on, let alone to be able to be still through the whole proceedings. Do what you want and if they don't like it, they can cram their opinions where the sun don't shine! :roll:
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Post by Kystar » Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:10 pm

Oh, it deteriorated into an email of me basically saying that I'm done with all of it, which caused my sister to want to know what started it all...and tried to give me the guilt trip of "you're so bitter, why are you blaming us? Why are you focusing on the negative?"

A person can only take so much emotional/mental/verbal abuse before they either crack or walk away.

Of course, the B-i-L couldn't leave it at that...had to come back with what amounts to a HATE LETTER, calling my wedding a "Freak show" and telling me that I should be ashamed of pushing my family away...and a bunch of other vitriol.

I admit I got angry, and told him that not only was Mom uninvited, but Him and his are dead to me.

In a way, it's strangely liberating to know that my circle won't be tainted by that kind of intolerance and bigotry...and that my life won't have the manipulating factor of these people pushing my emotional buttons. But it's a bit sad that they can't see past the end of their noses to understand how they've been hurting me.

Thanks for the blessings, everyone.
My family is smaller now, but stronger. My sisters-in-spirit will support me, my brother-in-spirit will stand by my Tony b/c they're good friends. Other friends from the past that were almost-family are coming back into my life...so I'll have a chance to build new relationships with them. And Tony's family accepts me. They understand I'm different...and while they don't always get why, they don't try and change me.

So, now the question is, how do I keep a hot-temped, cancer-born, sister-in-spirit with gypsy blood from cursing someone? Hmmm, that's a tough one. Oh well, I'm sure I'll figure it out.
You say "Witch" like it's a bad thing!

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Post by Windwalker » Thu Oct 11, 2007 11:44 pm

Tell her she can't have cake if she doesn't behave.

Good for you for putting your foot down. If they can't deal with it, tough. Families are supposed to be HAPPY to attend your wedding, they're meant to be proud and tell you you look gorgeous and then sit down and be quiet because it is YOUR DAY and they know that. They aren't meant to bitch. Not that much, anyway.

And it is your day, and you shouldn't have it troubled by people who apparently don't really want to be there.

Blessings upon you and yours!
si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes

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Post by katsu » Fri Oct 12, 2007 2:10 am

Kystar wrote: I admit I got angry, and told him that not only was Mom uninvited, but Him and his are dead to me.
I can only applaud for your way of handling. It's your wedding, you wanted to look out for the child......he should have been glad ;)
Kystar wrote: So, now the question is, how do I keep a hot-temped, cancer-born, sister-in-spirit with gypsy blood from cursing someone? Hmmm, that's a tough one. Oh well, I'm sure I'll figure it out.
You don't.
Everyone is responsible for their own choices. You chose to warn your B-i-L because you are concerned for the child. He chose to ignore that and go into the offense. (his choice)
If your S-i-S wishes to retaliate, it's her choice. Do I think she should not attempt such a course of action; YES. But she makes her own choice, like you; like everyone else.
(however it would be nice if she didn't do this at your wedding; and that might be a good suggestion ;) )

Aside from this:

May you have -


Walls for the wind
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks besides the fire
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire


(ancient Celtic Blessing)
Blessings of Love and Light also to the both of you, but you've received the greatest blessing one can get.


Yours truly,
K
/|\

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Kystar
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Post by Kystar » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:29 am

His only response was to ADMIT he was a bigot by QUOTING THE BIBLE at me...and saying that he hopes they're still there when I get over my issues.

You know what, I didn't respond b/c I know he's so wrapped up in his cult that he wouldn't ever look at the historical significance, but our religion base was around for like 3000 years before his. So, our belief systems, in various incarnations, have been around what, 5,000 years? 6,000? His, 2007.

Um...yeah, don't quote a book written by Man supposedly spouted by God and translated HOW many times at me. B/c I don't believe in that God or his "truths".

Just shows how close-minded and foolish he's become...and that I'm well quit of all of them if this is the "good husband" and "dutiful son" my sister and mom hold my Tony up as a standard to.

As for S-i-S, she won't try to curse him at the wedding, she'll do it this sunday when she hears about this...I just have to wonder if I'll get a Karma flicker on myself for telling her about the situation when I know she'll curse him. Hmm.
You say "Witch" like it's a bad thing!

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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:48 am

Good for you. You do not need that negativity at your wedding. I am so proud of you. I am proud you are Pagan. I am proud you are who you are, and that you are a fellow being on this planet with whom I am to share this planet with a loving and accepting heart. This is the way to go about life, not condemning something that is beautiful because it does not fit into a doctrine that is meant to celebrate love, not condemn it.

Katsu, I love that blessing. I have my own favourite:

May the most you wish for
Be the least you get;
May the best times you've ever had
Be the worst you see.


Kystar, ENJOY YOUR WEDDING! Make your day and all of your life exactly the way you want it. The world is your canvas! Some people you just have to paint over :P or take a can of thinner to!
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Health and happiness to you!

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Kystar
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Post by Kystar » Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:33 am

I LIKE THAT! Some ppl you just have to paint over.
=D> =D>
You say "Witch" like it's a bad thing!

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Post by katsu » Fri Oct 12, 2007 7:37 am

CHl, I'll have to remember that one :hug:
/|\

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Kystar
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Post by Kystar » Fri Oct 12, 2007 7:46 am

My sister has decreed, in her wisdom, that she is not sharing the emails with Mom. Rather, I have to tell her somehow that she is not invited.

I've decided a letter is the proper course of action, as I don't feel like dealing with her hysterics on the phone.

I'm planning on being a LITTLE more tactful with mom, as she has a history of stroke...however, if she can't be adult enough to hold her temper and not allow it to get to dangerous levels that could harm her, I won't be blamed by them.
You say "Witch" like it's a bad thing!

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