Hello again

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Brown Eyed Girl
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Hello again

Post by Brown Eyed Girl » Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:17 am

Sorry I've not been around much but the last few months have been a giant blurring mess of badness.

I've been spending the last month or so trying to stop my self getting to depressed - Don't have bleeding time for it.

Ok, before every one gets more confused.. I'll give a quick outline of whats happened.

My mum had some back pain, so she went to the doctors who sent her for an X-ray, This was quite a while ago now. Jan/Feb possible.. I've lost track to be honest. The found what they thought could be a shadow.

More X-rays and a CT scan and they were sure something was there. Because of the shadows positioning it was impossible to do a biopsy there and then so my mum had to go for a Broncs. Last Wednesday we got the results.

Non-Small cell Lung Cancer.

Tuesday of this week, believe it or not.. we had even worse news. It's got her entire right lung, the glans in the middle of her chest and "possibly" her Adrenal glands. They aren't sure of the last one. Looking this up it seems to be stage III but they seem to be treating it as stage IV and seeing as I'm not an oncologist I guess they are right.

In other words, My mums life expectancy has dropped down to months. This was a big shock because she has no symptoms... they closest she has to a symptom is back pain and tiredness, both which even the doctor says may have nothing to do with the cancer. My mum also has SVT (Super Ventricular Tachycardia) so that explains tiredness more than anything else.

We were expecting at least a year, I know a year isn't long.. but its better than "A couple of months"

I'm now seeming spending my time working out how they hell I'm going to go from Student to Carer to Owning my own flat and paying bills in a small space of time, whilst keeping a strong face for my mum cause she needs it. I've had arguments with my sister cause she is saying I'm not upset enough and that I haven't accepted this. This big difference here being that she lives in wales, She can cry when ever she wants, If I break down my mum will follow and she'll resign to it and stop fighting.

Urch, This is way to much to take in so quickly, I'm loosing most of the control I've been building up over the years (Had a panic attack when I stepped out of the door the other day, Anger is shot to hell and my temper fuse seems to have been cut in half.) but I can't let my mu know any of it, and my sister generally doesn't care about it.. then she never has, she didn't even particularly care when I was having CT scans and spent years on drugs so its not a surprise. I'm also dead exhausted cause I can't sleep, any knock out ideas would be greatly appreciated, The only full night I've slept followed from a lot of alcohol.

Any good thoughts for my mum will be greatly appreciated.
Who is "I" without a past? A river without a source? An event without a cause?

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Jescissa
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Post by Jescissa » Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:04 am

Thinking good thoughts for your mum and YOU too :-) You need all the strength you can get. People forget that it's the nearest and dearest that are also affected.
"If you trust in yourself and believe in your dreams and follow your star...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Goodbye." - Miss Tick, Terry Pratchett's Wee Free Men

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forgotten oceans
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Post by forgotten oceans » Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:47 am

I'm on it. ;) Tons of good vibes headed your way. [-o< [-o< [-o< [-o<
Maybe now you're starting to understand that while I may have been born predispositioned to be pretty batty, my parents saw to it that it was a certainty and completely unavoidable. -Me

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Post by Willow » Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:06 am

Blessings to you.

I would also ask your Mom if she minds you crying, it might help her to cry with you. Expressing sadness doens't mean you are giving up or resiegned.

Good luck though dear.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Brown Eyed Girl
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Post by Brown Eyed Girl » Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:52 am

Its just a weird way my mum works, since we moved to brum I've always been the strong one, most crying I've done with them was in the hospital when they gave us life expectancy.

Thankyou for all the good thoughts, VERY much appreciated...

Now tonight hopefully I'll sleep!
Who is "I" without a past? A river without a source? An event without a cause?

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SageWolf
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Post by SageWolf » Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:36 pm

Sending you good thoughts, I hope you sleep tonight as well.

Healing thoughts to your mum, if thats ok as well.

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To Error is Human, To really foul things up Requires a Computer.

unknown as far as I know

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katsu
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Post by katsu » Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:10 pm

Blessings to you and your mum, know what you're going through :hug:
/|\

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davisherm
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Post by davisherm » Fri Apr 06, 2007 10:27 am

Blessings for you and your family both.
"I just want to play on my Panpipes..." Cake

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Mahala
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Post by Mahala » Fri Apr 06, 2007 10:49 am

I'm in your boat. Just thought I'd share.
Both of my parent are 50+ years, and I have four more years of school. It's scary for me to think that they might not see my kids, and that my kids won't see them. I know how it feels too, my great-grandmother passed away just after I was born.
Adding to that, they're smokers. (Yeah, and they're still kickin'. Who says smokers can't live long?) My mom has had a fractured disc in her spine, two surgeries were done on it, the second giving her a staph infection that very nearly killed her. Her thyroid glands are destroyed, so she's taking thyroid pill, and if she can't get them, she'll die. For the pain, she's taking prescription-dose methamphetamine (Meth :weedman: ). She's had a bypass from her heart to her brain. (Car accident) Dad, well, he's still in one piece, but at times he has problems with his neck. (Car accident also)

*good vibes*

:hug:

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Post by Lotus » Fri Apr 06, 2007 4:03 pm

My heart and prayers are with you and yours.
Follow your instinct: If you feel that it will be worse if you do show emotion then don't do it. Do not allow anyone to tell you how to feel or how to behave....not even your sis.

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I have not been the same since that house fell on my sister.

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Crazy Healer Lady
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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:05 pm

Brown-Eyed-Girl... My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I wish I could fly over to your neck of the woods to give you a hug, and some major major Reiki.

Maybe your sis just doesn't understand. Perhaps arguing with you is her own way of trying to make sense of all of this?

Remember: There are always miracles.

May all of the Divine be with you in these times.
Last edited by Crazy Healer Lady on Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Crazy Healer Lady
Health and happiness to you!

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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morgana
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Post by morgana » Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:53 pm

Good vibes your way BEG. [-o< [-o< [-o<
"Love like you've never been hurt."

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Brown Eyed Girl
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Post by Brown Eyed Girl » Sun Apr 08, 2007 11:34 am

Thanks ever one :D
Very nice to have all this to read, My sis has this habit of making me think everything i was doing was wrong, (*sigh* Gemini's!)

I'm feeling quite a lot better after this weekend, We're no longer panicking about money (sick pay for my mum wasn't coming through and we literally had no money for food) but for once the council has come through, all be it about a month late, but its come through. My b/f kinda pinned me down in the bed, stuck a blanket on me and put stargate on and kept bringing me tea and easter eggs.. My mums back pain has really gone down and she's feeling great.

So doubly thanks to everyone :).


Mahala.. Wow, and urm.. double wow! my brain is fried with this going on i would hate to be in your situation, I'd probably go mental.

CHL, That would mean you'd have to be in Birmingham xD, its all hot and icky here at the moment... even though it was snowing a few days ago... its very weird here lolsies.
Who is "I" without a past? A river without a source? An event without a cause?

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Post by Windwalker » Mon Apr 09, 2007 12:48 am

Oh honey, I'm so sorry :hug:

Take some time out to work through this, or it'll eat you.

Your mum won't give in. Mums cry when we cry because it upsets them to see us upset. You need to be able to cry, because this is a stressful, emotional time. It's normal to cry. Take some time out, pop around to a friend's house if you can and tell them you need a place to sob your brains out for a while. You can't get anything done if your emotions are controlling you.

Blessed be.
si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes

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Crazy Healer Lady
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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Mon Apr 09, 2007 4:54 pm

My b/f kinda pinned me down in the bed, stuck a blanket on me and put stargate on and kept bringing me tea and easter eggs.
Awwww... That is really sweet. Tell your BF I give him thumbs up and thanks for helping our B-E-G!

And I hear you about the weather. Last wednesday we got about a foot of snow. Friday, the temperature was 24C!!!
Crazy Healer Lady
Health and happiness to you!

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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