Just need a few good vibes sent my way.

Kinda like a prayer chain ...
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Stormy
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Just need a few good vibes sent my way.

Post by Stormy » Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:35 am

As some may remember, my sister is, not to put too fine a point on it, a total wack job. She was always an angry person but when her husband left her about two years ago now, she went off the deep end.

She has only gotten worse, she knows she is mentally ill and does not want to be helped. She is planning how she is going to kill her ex-husband and his new wife (the woman he left my sister for), as well as viciously declaring that she won't spend another Christmas alone (though my mom lives 10 feet from her). She talked (shouted really) today about how she can't stand my mother (though my mom pours cash on her constantly to help her) and how her way of dealing with her would be "to choke her to death". She is hateful towards me because I "have my husband" and "you're so perfect" and "you won't even help me with the internet" (I've tried to, but how do you explain something to someone who is screaming constantly "I don't understand, don't you GET IT, I don't understand what you are talking about"?) She was screaming so insanely at me over the phone I could hear her spitting - I only called to wish her a happy birthday, against my better judgement, which I should have listened to.

Please understand that I have tried all manner of ways to get through to her. I have also researched the possibilities of legal action to force her into treatment - her doctors wanted her to admit herself to a mental treatment hospital. Unfortunately, there is NO legal action to take without my mother's help, which she refuses to give. And believe me when I tell you that the social services available in West Virgina are woefuly inadiquate and unwilling or unable to assist unless or until she actually commits a crime. Please also understand that this is not some show she is putting on - when I have gone to visit (which I am actually AFRAID to do anymore for fear she may attack me) her violence is palatable. I won't even get into the horrid details of the things I've seen her do in person, let's just say that it's like watching one of those old movies about some nut in an insane asylum with her eyes rolling around and spit flying out with her poison words. SHE CANNOT BE REASONED WITH. She no longer sees a psychiatrist "because I can't afford it" - when I had spoken personally with her psychiatrist he had told me, among other things, "She has to chose to be helped, don't destroy your own life trying to help her."

I have concluded that my sister is beyond any help I can give and that for me to even think about trying to help her is going to be harmful to me and my sense of peace. As of today I have made the decision to chose myself over her in all things - I am cutting her out of my life, period. Each of us must make our own choices, she has made hers and now I have made mine. Strangely, though I feel sorry for her as a fellow human, I feel no guilt about my decision to cut her away from me like I'd have the doctor cut off a painful cyst. Perhaps it is true that one can only be spit on, cursed, screwed over and abused by someone so many times before self preservation kicks in - even when they are "blood".

My relationship with my mom has never been anywhere near great but I have learned to deal with her with love and forgiveness. In spite of the things she has done in the past to me I am very concerned for her safety and health since she is dependant on my sister. I do not have the room to put her in my house and I wouldn't do that if I could because I know that my mother can be so toxic as to cause nothing but strife in such a setting. I don't have the financial means to care for her. But I need to get her away from my sister. My mom's brother has said she can stay with him, but, for reasons I won't get into, that's not ideal but it's the only option right now which my mother will even consider. It will put my mom only about an hour away from me and this will have the potential of causing LOTS of trouble for me. It's like being between a rock and a hard place.

I'm not asking for anything for my sister - I truly believe she is bayond anyone's help, that she has even cut herself off from the Goddess and God, the only ones who could help her. I have no intentions of wasting anymore precious energy on her so I would not ask any of you to either. I know that sounds harsh and cruel, but I assure you, if you had seen what I've seen and heard what I've heard and tried like I have, you would come to the same conclusion as well. She is toxic.

I do ask that if you can you would say a prayer and a blessing for my mother that she makes the right choice as to what to do. I have given her the options she has open and have offered to find her an apartment or help get her to her brothers, but she can't decide what to do. I cannot force her.

I also ask that you say a few prayers and blessings for me along the lines of making sure that I am able to maintain my balance through out all of this and not be damaged by either my sister or my mother. I truly fear my sister's potential for violence - I would not put it past her, with as much hate and imagined blame as she has built up in her mind towards me, to try to put a bullet in my head. For this reason I have stressed to my mother that if she wants to leave we must not tell my sister, we must just get her out while my sister is at work. My sister may not want my mom there but she does want her money and she does have some sort of insanity going on in her head about having to take care of my mother - almost like she wants her there to abuse? In any event, I don't think she will let her leave willingly - my mother has repeatedly asked her to take her to the bus station so she could go to her brothers and my sister refuses.

Sorry to post such a long rant, but I really needed to get it out and I really do need your blessings and prayers towards helping me maintain balance throughout this.

Stormy
Stormy ~~}~}-:>
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam

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Post by Lotus » Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:46 am

You are in my prayers for I actually know kind-of what you are going through. You need strength and endurance right now along with some protection. It is almost the new moon so, I will include you in that blessing.
This seems like a case where your sister would rather have the pitty than the help. She is going to blame everyone for her problems because the green-eyed monster has reared its ugly head. It is easier to blame everyone else than to look into the mirror. I have an inkling that she would still have her husband if she were not such a shrew-beast.

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Post by Linny » Fri Dec 03, 2004 8:10 pm

I agree with Lotus on this one. It doesn't seem that she wants to be helped. She's getting attention now that she wouldn't get if she were well. I had to make the decision myself to seek treatment for my disorder, no one could force me either.

However, I know this must be an insanely difficult time for you and your mother. I will keep you both in my thoughts.
:hug:

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Post by morgana » Fri Dec 03, 2004 8:43 pm

Stormy, you are definitely in my thoughts. I will send all the good vibes I can and ask the Goddess to see you through this. I was actually wondering what had happened with your sister since your last post about her suicide threat. I think you definitely made the right choice to remove her from your life. No one can help her if she doesn't want to be helped.
"Love like you've never been hurt."

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Post by Soulz Tears » Sun Dec 05, 2004 3:55 pm

Stormy I commend you on your continued efforts, but I agree with the doctor, she has to choose to be helped, and you can not ruin your life trying to get her to make that choice.

Nor can you choose for your mother, you have given her options and sound advice on how to carry it out, be there for her when she is ready.

Otherwise do what you can to protect you and your immediate family as well as your mother as you make these decisions. You have made these choices after much debate and consideration, for you these are your truths, live by them as you would any other truth, only then will you be able to feel right about everything because you did what was right for you.

All my best and blessings,

Soulz Tears
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"Believing is more than acknowledging."



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Post by socialgreen » Sun Dec 05, 2004 4:27 pm

My bleesings and prayers to you and your family. Man, I am sorry I did not see this earlier. I am sorry about your sister and I pray that she gets the help she needs.
social
If more of us valued food and cheer and song
above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
-- J. R. R. Tolkien

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Post by Stormy » Mon Dec 13, 2004 7:29 am

Well, things just seem to go from bad to worse - my sister had to have xrays for a rotor cuff problem that was work related and it showed something on/in her lung - they convinced her to go back for further xrays to make sure it wasn't just a shadow and it isn't - something is in her lung. Since she smokes like a house on fire we can all guess what that something is. She refuses to have any further tests or treatment. On top of that the well they use for water just went kaput - something about the "bladder" broke. I learned all of this 3 days ago from my mom and I haven't been able to get my mom on the phone since. I hope she just accidentally turned off the ringer (she's done it before).

On a lighter note though my mom told me about my sister's reaction when she got my birthday card. I had sent her an "affirmations" card for her pocket. You know, one of those that you are supposed to take out and read when ever you are stressing and it says;
I deserve to be Happy, I can be Happy, I will be Happy
I will speak with Kindness, I will act with Kindness and Kindness will return to me.

I told her in the note with her card that if she honestly worked hard at believing and doing those words she would be taking the first steps to getting better. Well, my mom called to tell me that my sisters screaming response was "What does she do, walk around with a crystal up her *ss all day?" I honestly couldn't help myself and I busted out laughing. Really, that IS funny as hell. I don't know, maybe I was being too callous to find it so funny...

Stormy

Edit: oh, and my mom has decided that she can't leave my sister because if she does and my sister then kills herself or someone else, my mom said she will never be able to forgive herself.
Stormy ~~}~}-:>
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Post by Maelroth » Mon Dec 13, 2004 9:42 am

now that's funny, uncomfortable sounding but funny.

I think you did the right thing and I send blessings your way.
Not all who wander are lost-Tolkien



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Post by scoia » Mon Dec 13, 2004 2:34 pm

*snort*

well, at least she still has her sense of humour, I guess. That's a terrible situation, but I can see where you're mother is coming from, not wanting to leave her. It must be harder for parents to let go, even if their child is a bit of a nutcase. No offense meant.

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First they ignore you.
Then they laught at you.
Then they fight you.
Then you win.
--Ghandi

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Post by Stormy » Mon Dec 13, 2004 3:03 pm

Actually, she doesn't have a sense of humor - my sister wasn't saying it to be funny, she was saying it to be hateful. She has told me many times that she thinks I am an idiot goodie two shoes for the way I live my life.

Stormy
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Post by Soulz Tears » Wed Dec 15, 2004 4:01 am

Hey there Stormy.....at least you are trying to live by your affirmations card... givig kindness so thatit may be returned to you... you tried...if your sister is unable to return or believe in the affirmation, at least you do, so the kindness will just have to be returned by someone else.....


Another blessing and I don't think Preparation -H will help with that crystal ball up you know where :bootyshake: ....lol

Almost Yule, but all my best or you and yours....Soulz
"Integrity takes effort, words and actions begin in the heart."



"Believing is more than acknowledging."



" YOU teach others HOW to treat you."

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