An Apology ("Realizations")

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Hytegia
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An Apology ("Realizations")

Post by Hytegia » Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:24 pm

Okay, I've realized many things in my life... Mainly, that dreams do come true, because in some way, they are almost are true. I've had my trials and tribulations of many kinds, and have done my share of fighting both Spiritual and Physical. I've realized that Love cannot be made in magick, but can only be imitated. I've realized that Evil sometimes masks itself as Good, and Good sometimes seems Evil. I've realized that I can see Spirits, and hear animals. I've discovered that I can ward things off, and leave my body and have fantastic adventures. I've realized that the Goddess is great! I've realized that I love Magick in all of it's abodes.
But, I've realized some other things aswell.
I've realized that Evil exists. I've realized that Spirits can kick ass and take names, and can be quite mean and rude when summoned. I've realized that Persecution exists, even in this New Age. I've realized that I'm alone where I am, with no one to talk to about it. I've realized that I might be a Nutcase a little more than pretending to be. I've realized that Fear is Tangible, and very real in some cases. I've realized that I like to read too much into things, and weigh my mind heavily on Magick instead of other things for life's satisfactions. I've realized that one Spirit, though he told me I was talented beyond my years, was also a great Liar.

I guess that, in my struggles and all I've gone through, I feel like bragging even if I don't mean to and in inappropriate places for them. I guess, with no real person to talk to all these years about this VERY subject, I've held up these stories for so long that they burst forth at unexpected moments when I shouldn't put them, and they aren't wanted. I can only assume that with what I've done, inside I assume I deserve a bit of respect or some praise for it and overdo all of my posts as to accent that idiocracy of an ego of mine.
All of these are simply assumptions. I don't think before I post, and sometimes I drag out my posts so far and I try to relate them to some kind of situation I have gone through that it seems that I'm egotystical, insane, or just a fool. Maybe I'm all, maybe I'm not. I can never be sure, really!

But, I also see what I've become now. I have looked through all my posts, and all the others, and know now what they were telling me-
I haven't shown them respect. They've probably done me over millionfold, and I'm coming off as a whining baby hoping that the big kids will like that he's walked a few steps where they have been running and jumping for years. I look like a complete ********* because, somehow, I think I've accomplished so much in a closed room and candlelight these long 6 years! :roll:

I can only ask your forgiveness, and say that I'm sorry. An overwhelming crave for human appriciation has seemed to leak into all of my posts. I've let that happen, and come off as a complete idiot, fool, moron, etc. I hope that this doesn't happpen again.
Thank you, all of the Moderators, for allowing me to post in your Forums. I've come to learn, but I've also come to make friends and enjoy one of the few joys I have found fulfilling in my life-
Magick.

Blessed Be.
"Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere,
Nor any drop to drink."

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Re: An Apology ("Realizations")

Post by white_harmony » Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:43 am

You have posted some wonderful posts in your few months here on the boards. It is really only small things, when added up, that have been a thorn in peoples sides. I am happy that you have come to realise all of those things, and possibly more, that you stated in your post.

Your posts have been full of some wonderful information, a genuine want to help others, and you have been reaching out to others in similar circumstances to your own (which we have all done, that's why we are here :) ) Now that you understand where you have stepped on toes, now we can explore ways in which to impart your knowledge, help and advice in a way that makes it all shine! \:D/
~ The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death ~

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Re: An Apology ("Realizations")

Post by Mahala » Sat Jun 20, 2009 5:11 am

I know you must be Wiccan, or at least you know the rede:
Light of eye and soft of touch, speak you little, listen much.


Perhaps you should remind yourself as I do that the loudest voices aren't always the voices people hear, no matter how much wisdom they have to share. I agree with much that White harmony has already said; It's the little things that annoy others.

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Re: An Apology ("Realizations")

Post by davisherm » Sat Jun 20, 2009 5:44 am

Thank you for your explanation and apology. It takes a big person to be able to admit that they might have overstepped their bounds. And to put it out in the open where everybody can see it takes a certain amount of courage.

I think we can all appreciate just how you must feel, living in the heart of the Bible belt and basically being a living abomination to everybody around you. That sort of thing is very tough to deal with. Having to keep your faith under wraps for fear of attack from ignorant people is not only frustrating, but it tends to insulate you from the other folk like you around the world. For generations, the various pagan faiths worked in isolation because their members feared attacks. In this day and age, we have the ability to communicate across the internet, to learn, share, and practice together without fear of getting burned at the stake.

When you look at the members of this board, we have contributors from far and wide. Granted, the majority of us are in the USA, but even our nation is huge. I'm in New York. You're in the deep south. Mahala is way out west and kinda north. We have members in Australia, Brazil, the UK, and of course, Canada. We're all spread few and far between. It's a rare thing to find a good Pagan community that's local. So we're all alone in some way or another. But thanks to modern technology we don't have to be. This is our space. Smudged with virtual sage, if you will, and warded with the best 128 bit encryption a server can offer, this is a sacred place where we are safe to gather. To be among those like us and discuss the joy that is knowing the Gods. Here on the Library, we see a lonely young man, in touch with the gods and holding the seed of magic in his hand and we welcome him as a friend and brother.

Welcome to the Pagan Library, Hytegia. Here, we do not need to fear.
"I just want to play on my Panpipes..." Cake

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Re: An Apology ("Realizations")

Post by Hytegia » Sat Jun 20, 2009 8:25 am

Thanks guys for all the advice. I've been frequenting this site for years before for References and other things... Honestly, I had just discovered the Interaction Section!
Could you just humor me and not base my experience by my time you've known me? Im not calling anyone out for it- I just know it happens in places.
"Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere,
Nor any drop to drink."

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Re: An Apology ("Realizations")

Post by davisherm » Sat Jun 20, 2009 8:44 am

Hytegia wrote:Thanks guys for all the advice. I've been frequenting this site for years before for References and other things... Honestly, I had just discovered the Interaction Section!
Could you just humor me and not base my experience by my time you've known me? Im not calling anyone out for it- I just know it happens in places.

I can't speak for anybody but myself, but I base my opinions of people based on how they act and how they present themselves. And by reading through your post history, I'm of two minds about you. You are incredibly knowledgeable for somebody who comes from your background. Your personal story actually reminds me a lot of my own - we both come from very fundamental Christian families- and so I feel a certain kinship to you and wish to see you become a well liked and respected member of this forum. However, you consistently post from within this blanket of ego and insecurity that changes the timbre of what you're saying. We get that you're magical. We get that you speak with spirits. On other forums that would be something fantastic. Here? It's pretty much par for the course. And talking it up in the fashion that you do sounds like brag and just really rubs people the wrong way.

If you wish to be accepted by a group of people, it's generally considered wise to watch how they interact with each other so you have an idea as to how their relationships work and rough guess as to if you'll fit in. It's not generally a good idea to come stumbling into a room, tell everybody exactly how good you are at something that many of them likely know quite a bit about and then get upset when they don't act suitably impressed or worse yet, take everything you say from then on with a very large grain of salt.

The best advise I can give to anybody just getting started on any message board is to start slow, doing a lot of reading before posting. You're certainly a pagan and as such, welcome here. But tone it down some. When all a person does is yell at the top of their voice, most people stop listening.

BB.
"I just want to play on my Panpipes..." Cake

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Hytegia
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Re: An Apology ("Realizations")

Post by Hytegia » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:14 am

I was meaning by time on the boards... But I see your point.
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. :)
"Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere,
Nor any drop to drink."

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Re: An Apology ("Realizations")

Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sat Jun 20, 2009 6:59 pm

davisherm wrote:and of course, Canada.
Oh of COURSE Canada ;)

Davish, that was written so eloquently, and I could not say it better. :hug: We love you up here in Igloo Land.

Hytegia, new beginnings, yes? I believe in second chances. I think any path of self-discovery and realization calls for major revampage, that is, death and rebirth of the Self. The path of most Pagans (at least, many of this forum) requires huge self-discovery and a willingness to face the Self. Hence, I think most of us on here can sympathize with the death of the old self and the rebirth of the new. I hope you get what I am trying to say here. Basically, if there was ever a group to be understanding enough to bury the old Hytegia and welcome forth the new Hytegia, and not judge the old, it is this one.
Crazy Healer Lady
Health and happiness to you!

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Hytegia
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Re: An Apology ("Realizations")

Post by Hytegia » Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:50 am

I've met Death before, in both Metaphorical and the Physical sense. :/
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that "Death" isn't the word, but a "Purge" of the Old Me is better way to put it.
But, thank you CHL. :)

Oh, and I would like to say that I LOVE YOU GAIZ. <3
Lol. But, seriously, please let me know if I end up doing this again... It takes alot of time to learn self-restraint and I'd love a reminder every now and then. Thanks for all the help, people! And the encouragement!
"Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere,
Nor any drop to drink."

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