... I'm Going to Church?!

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Crazy Healer Lady
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... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sun Jan 11, 2009 9:52 am

I leave in a half hour. Crazy lovely dreams about mermaids and dragons, very powerful. Mermaids are NOT like Ariel: They can be vicious little :censored: but VERY intriguing.

So yes. The church thing. I haven't gone to a service since I was about eight years old, and this is Baptist, something that claims to be completely different than Catholic. The reason I am going is because I want to support my lover's spirituality. He's done so much for me. He participates in Sabbat celebrations, we do energy work together, he is supportive of all my Pagan "stuff."

I've learned in the last long while that relationships are about uplifting one another. It's not about changing someone or changing yourself so that you fit together more perfectly, or about compromise or "trade." It's about uplifting the other, because when you uplift another out of the sheer joy of watching them succeed and be happy, you uplift yourself as well. Without relationship - to anyone or anything - I cannot KNOW who/what I am. I can't know that I AM, because I define myself by what I have relationship with (the ground, the light, my friends). If none of those things existed, I wouldn't be able to define myself. I wouldn't know that I am. And the cool thing is, you can't see ANYTHING in another without seeing it in yourself. So, when you think of all that love you have for your significant other, you feel that for yourself. (Energetically, it looks amazing. Two lights light up, so to speak, in the universe.) So, doesn't it make sense to uplift the other? But not out of what you can get out of it - that's trade and compromise again. You uplift them because you simply want to see them as happy and joyful as they could ever be.

Out of pure love and joy, I want to make my love as happy as he can be. I want to give him the world. And, because I know it's not expected, I am going with him today to be support for him. I also want to watch him SHINE. He comes home every Sunday just shining. I want to watch that happen. I want to see which lights light up. I want to be there for him. I dealt with a lot of wounds to do this, which is also probably why I got a little gung-ho with the bible verses thing in one of the threads here. In the end, it doesn't matter if what they say there doesn't resonate with me, because to watch my boyfriend light up and feel the light and love of his god DOES.

So wish me luck. I'm not saying run energy or even say a prayer or light a candle, but even though I've dealt with a lot of wounds to get here (and it does feel like a sort of triumph, over fear, over hate), there is still the fact that I am Pagan, and haven't been to a service that wasn't a funeral since I was eight years old.

There's a phrase I have been taking to heart lately, and it has been tremendously healing: "Do it because you are afraid." I've been afraid, so I'm doing this because I was/am afraid.

For me, it's going to a service. For you, it might be explaining your beliefs to a Christian.

So yes, I'm off, and will try not to criticize the pastor too harshly in my head, or at all out loud. I'm going to remember the mermaids and the dragons, and my dear Red Hawk, and feel my power in that place. Should be an interesting healing experience.

Adios!!
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Willow » Sun Jan 11, 2009 11:39 am

CHL...good luck. I think you will be fine, and now that you've gone, you can say you've overcome that fear.

Let us know how it went and hopefully you got something good out of it too.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sun Jan 11, 2009 12:28 pm

Singing was awesome. Watching Chris light up was awesome. Hearing the substitute pastor preach about missions trips, informative but not fun.

Definitely an experience, and I will go again, for my boyfriend.
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Lotus » Sun Jan 11, 2009 3:26 pm

I have the same misgivings about Christianity and yet, I was welcomed graciously to a service with my friend. The priest and the whole congregation were very aware that I was Pagan. It, for me and probably for you, was a wake-up call that lumping everyone of a certain religion into the "bad" pile is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
Think about all the people who have misgivings towards Paganism because of certain Pagans that they have met. A similar epiphany occurs when someone fearful comes to a Pagan ritual and sees decent Pagan individuals.

I am happy that it was a positive and supportive experience for you.

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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sun Jan 11, 2009 4:20 pm

Thank you guys so much!! Willow, Lotus, it means a lot to me to hear that from you. One of the "Do it because you're afraid" actions was announcing it on this board. Thank you
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Willow » Mon Jan 12, 2009 6:03 am

I hope you weren't afraid to tell us.

Honestly, I go to mass with my hubby, since I rarely do rituals there is very little participating he does with me. I also partake in some of the high holy days, I love lent and Easter. Though I reinterpret it as mourning death before the rebirth of spring. I am more fastidious about that holiday than he is....Hmm, I think I came up with a topic for another forum!
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Kitsune » Mon Jan 12, 2009 1:03 pm

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself... Even if the pastor himself didn't inspire you.

I was in the same boat... The last time I went into a church was for a christmas celebration that we were invited to, and before that a baptism for Grimwell's Niece.

I don't generally feel comfortable in them, mainly due to the fact that I know it's not my faith. But I will still go in and be very respectful.

I hope Chris appreiciates you going for him. It's a big step to try to share his path this way.
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by underlilith » Tue Jan 13, 2009 7:51 pm

lol. I'm familiar with the "church scene" and i know how to manuver my way around without calling attention to my current faith lol. i go if one of my close friends invite me as a show of respect. other than that i have no reason to go.
"What is a god but a man who weilds the power of chaos?" - Peter Carroll

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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Wed Jan 14, 2009 12:46 am

I used to have anxiety attacks in churches. I was so scared before going on Sunday that I was shaking all over. Really, shaking. It was interesting to get to the root of.

I'm really excited though. The man who spoke is exactly the man I need to speak with for some business deals, so it was great to get a closer look at something that means a lot to him.

Speaking of which, I'm in the middle of doing something big. I've announced it on Facebook hoping to get help, and so far I've received some great input. Once I have my pieces in place and it all starts rolling a bit faster, I'll talk more here, but yes, so excited. So pumped.
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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Dark Waters » Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:55 pm

I go on a weekly basis for the same reason as you CHL, it makes my SO happy. Still I don't participate as I used to ...

One, I think it is too untrue to myself to be singing the hymns and saying the prayers to a diety I find unpleasant.
Two, I am far more comfortable in myself as a pagan than I used to be, so find no need to "cover it up".
Three, I really don't like the new pastor and the theme of the messages since he took over.

But with the new job, I will be working several Sundays and therefore can't go, aw shucks, and once I move to nights - I'll still sleep during the days to maintain my schedule even on days I'm not working. Oh well. :lol:
I'm living in the Shadows and the Night,
Wrapped in warm darkness, safe and sure.
My Path shines by the Moon's fragile light,
It frees my Mind and keeps my Heart pure.

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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Wed Jan 14, 2009 5:05 pm

Dark Waters, does your SO know that you are Pagan and you don't like going?
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Re: ... I'm Going to Church?!

Post by Dark Waters » Wed Jan 14, 2009 5:31 pm

She knows, but doesn't really believe/accept it. I don't push it in her face, and hold my rituals at or around midnight after she has gone to bed. To me it really isn't worth the hassles and heartache to make her accept it. She probably thinks it is a bit of a betrayal because even though I was sympathetic to the Pagan Path when we met I really didn't practice and didn't really believe as a Pagan, I have grown into it since.

She does know I don't really like going to the church because I do state my opinion of some of their messages and how I feel they are wrong or twisted. I always did state that I feel the "Church" {any Church} has long gone astray from the "Faith" of Christianity. Still she wants me and the kids there so I go. I do feel that the kids can learn some base morality from there, as long as I'm there to point out the BS where necessary.
I'm living in the Shadows and the Night,
Wrapped in warm darkness, safe and sure.
My Path shines by the Moon's fragile light,
It frees my Mind and keeps my Heart pure.

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