LONG Rant About Relationships: Advice?

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Crazy Healer Lady
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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Wed May 10, 2006 8:20 am

:lol: You'd think, Rainforest, by the way we are both acting toward it!

It's an excersise machine which uses bending rods for weights. One machine has 95+ excersises, plus a maximum of 310lbs resistance, but it is upgradable to 410lbs. It's a home gym in one machine.

Normally I would not be into excersise machines (I like my running, hiking, and yoga, thank you) but I tried it, and I am in love. *pets bowflex*

Weight training and firefighting used to be the bulk of this man's life for quite a while. He is happy to get back into the weight training, though since he moved back to BC firefighting will have to wait.

I would try to get him to join the forums (he's much fun to talk about spirituality with) but he is Xian (the best kind possible, believe me. No church, no dogma, only love and kindness).
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Post by Kitsune » Thu May 11, 2006 1:19 pm

I'll hope he comes on soon. I've been waiting to meet Tall, Light & Handsome... :lol:
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

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Post by scoia » Thu May 11, 2006 9:55 pm

Rain ForestMoon wrote:I think it's something a bit like viagra. But it works mechanically rather than chemically
Bwahahahahaha. Oh man, it's always the quiet ones :P

And congratulations on finding someone awesome, CHL.

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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Fri May 12, 2006 12:48 am

Thanks ^__^

Maybe I could persuade him to come online :lol: At least to say hi. But he's a shy one. I'm sure he could bring a very interesting perspective to matters like the ones on the board. The only thing he would not be impressed with are the anti-Xian jokes and non-jokes... :oops: Well, any anti-Jesus stuff, anyway.
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Post by FyreGarnet » Fri May 12, 2006 8:40 am

Hopefully he would realize that it comes from many times of christians not being so nice to non-christians. It's not against him specifically. Just the type that tend to go overboard on things.

I've come to realize that there are many very nice christians. Ones who believe in loving thy neighbor and such. But there are still some that are very much backstabbers. It depends on the person.

I'd like to meet him too.

Congrats on the wonderful man dear.

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Post by Willow » Mon May 15, 2006 6:21 am

Yay!
You got your bowflex. I would be interested to meet him, if he is the kind of Christian I think he is then I bet I know a few books he might enjoy.

I am glad that the split has happened with the other guy. It is hard but if you are going to be exes and friends there sometimes needs to be a break before things go to a normal state.

Good luck dear! [-o<
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Mon May 15, 2006 9:54 am

Thanks to both of you

The ex called one last time Friday to appologize for everything. He had written some nasty e-mails, I mean hurtful, hateful e-mails. But he appologized, and I forgive him, but he asked me something that I had to say no to, and I think he finally realizes that this is goodbye.

I've learned to listen to what everyone around me is saying. EVERYONE was saying that he wanted to get back with me, and I was stupid and thought I knew the situation. :lol: How did I not know this was the root of the problem???

I am glad I know now, because I know why he was doing these things, why we couldn't go our separate ways (no closure), and now we can. I've never dealt with this stuff before, and I am almost 20. :lol:
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Post by Lotus » Mon May 15, 2006 3:46 pm

Now, I have a question on the original topic.
My SO the other day commented/complained that wanting to be friends after the end of a relationship was "a woman thing" and that men do not want to be friends with their exes. He went on to say that women want to be friends for two reasons: 1 Because if they could retain a friendship then, the end of the relationship is not their fault. To somehow justify that "they are right" sort of thing. 2 To rub into their exes faces that they are "a good catch" and to shove new loves into their faces as a spite thing.

I sort of see his point and have to agree on one thing: Wanting to be friends is indeed a female thing. I'm not sure about the rational to the reasons. (Im not being sexist.....there are differences between the sexes).
Why is it that women want to be friends with their exes?
In my past, an ended relationship is just an ended relationship......friendship included. I, and only 1% of the people around me, have only ever been able to keep a friendship out of the ended relationship.
Perhaps the telly is to blame since there are many shows that depict exes being friends....Elane and Seinfield comes to mind.

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Post by Ragnar » Tue May 16, 2006 12:21 am

As in all cultures, it is traditionaly the Woman that bring up the family. Teaching them and ensuring the long term survival. So they are more "long term minded".

Whereas men are working day to day. I.e, putting meat on the table is something that has to be done in "real time".

So may be men can except change faster than Women?

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Post by Kitsune » Tue May 16, 2006 7:24 am

I believe that ex's can be friends, and my ex believes so too. Mind you, it needs to be done correctly. You can't see each other every day, you can't still be sleeping together, and you need time to recover. But then, I'm probally not the one to ask since me and my Ex are back together after our long hiatus and we are engaged.

CHL, Don't beat yourself up over any of it. You have acted as you should. Sometimes, despite best intentions of everyone involved, people just can't move on.

I'm just glad you found such a wonderful guy and that he makes you happy.
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

http://www.bamatthews.comThe Writings and Musings of B.A. Matthews

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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Tue May 16, 2006 9:33 am

I'm not sure I agree with that. My ex wanted to be friends more than I did. However, I'm thinking that is because he just wanted to get back together.

Other than this, I've never been friends with my exes. Break-ups were not happy. One was using me, the other was just being a big jerk.

Hmmm. Interesting thought, but I don't agree with it :lol:
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Post by FyreGarnet » Tue May 16, 2006 10:22 am

Well, as you know, my fiance and I just broke up. It was he who suggested we remain friends. I'm inclined to agree. Now, it could be that he will come back to me, and things will be better. Or it could be that we will be friends for life.

I think it is possible to be friends if the relationship was good and it ended fairly friendly. However, like with my previous relationship, if someone cheated or seriously hurt you physically or emotionally, it really is not that easy to be friends.

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Post by Lotus » Tue May 16, 2006 2:18 pm

Yeah, Ragnar's response seems to make more sence to me. Men do tend to think day to day whereas a woman thinks long term. Only he seemed to answer the question: Why do women want to be friends after a break-up?
Sure people may say that they want to continue a friendship....perhaps in the hopes of getting back together. Umm, perhaps too this is why people feel threatened if their boyfriend is still friends with his ex?
Another thing was noted: If the break-up was happy or not.
It is rare that a break-up is happy even when there were no cheating/lying or anything of that sort going on.

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Post by scoia » Tue May 16, 2006 7:02 pm

Sorry, but I disagree entirely.

Any of my exes were the ones to suggest friendship after breaking up (not something I was a huge fan of) regardless of who did the splitting. Likewise with a lot of my friends. And I only know of one ex-couple who have mantained a really good relationship after breaking up, and that's mostly because they were close friends for about 5 years before going out in the first place.

I don't think it matters, but it's not some kind of primal female urge. I think people are too quick to over emphasise women's emotive responses to situations and completely underestimate/overlook men's emotional responses in the most part. I think that's an attitude that harms both parties, and personally speaking, I've found men to be the ones who have greater difficulites adjusting to 'singledom' again.

Or maybe I'm a cold hearted b*&^ch, but anyway. :P

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Post by Lotus » Tue May 16, 2006 9:03 pm

Maybe I should phrase the question without the gender premise.
Why would anyone want to be friends with their ex (unless there are kids involved)? :-?
I guess I'm trying to figure this out (along with a bunch of things).
Maybe this is my S.O's experience and he is bitter himself...well, the ex wife did cheat on him and is currently using their kid to get to him.

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