Am i just insensitive?

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Am i just insensitive?

No, you're just grieving.
2
22%
No, you're just logical.
2
22%
No, I would do it to.
5
56%
Yes, yes you are.
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No votes
 
Total votes: 9

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Artemisblessed
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Am i just insensitive?

Post by Artemisblessed » Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:51 am

yesterday, my we had a family meeting.

my mother just died about 4 weeks ago. there are 5 girls, plus one that pops in every now and again, one boy, a father, and a grandmother.

everyone else in my family are emotional people and they yell and scream and cry all they want. i, however, am a logical person. i cry on my own time. i don't always like to make a spectacle of myself because that's the last thing this family needs.

well, our father told us that at the meeting, we could get everything off our chest, get everything out on the table, and all be on the same page.

i guess i took this a little too literal. #-o

i made a list of all the things that have been bothering me lately and formulated them into a hate list. (you must understand, i've lived with these people for thirteen years and i never talk about how i really feel about them. i usually do that with mom.)

i told them all ahead of time that the material was insulting and that i would really like to not hear about it later. thety agreed. i also said that it was peremtory, which means i don't need a reason. they agreed.

so i went ahead and told them what was on my mind, not just lately, but bringing out things that hurt from the past. i told my dad that i didn't like to be blamed for misunderstandings when it was clearly his responsibility to write it down. i tol my brother that i hate it when he doesn't listen, because then we all get in trouble for it. i told my sister alicia that i hate her boyfriend and that he's a jerk when she's not looking. i told my sister marilyn that i hate it when she bullies alicia. i told the set of twins, erin and ashley, that i hate it when they fight. i told my nana that i hate it when she tells me what to think and what to do about my future.

of course, nobody kept their promises and everyone yelled at me because i had no place doing what i did. they told me that i was wrong and that i should have just kept my opinion to myself. i told them all to quote "f*ck off and die" because i had spent 13 years listening to them bring out every little last painful detail about everything and i can't spend five minutes on what's bothering me?!
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Kystar
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Post by Kystar » Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:18 pm

Oh, I would so do that...but would be a lot less logical and a lot more emotional in delivery of the complaints!
You say "Witch" like it's a bad thing!

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Crazy Healer Lady
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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sat Mar 25, 2006 2:02 pm

I don't think you are insensitive.

A death such as this has the potential to break up a family or bring it closer together. While you have your rights to speak your mind, you will get yelled at for it, because that is what families do O___O Families are by nature irrational, governed by the most chaotic of emotions that are scattered and often unidentifyable.

You have expressed yourself, and that is perfectly fine. They may need to express themselves now. It hurts. It really really hurts.
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Post by Lotus » Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:50 pm

I would do the same as you.
It is only fair that you get your piece out for your own peace of mind. It is not fair for anyone to burden someone with their feelings....venting is not burdening. Fair exchange.
You had every right since you were asked for your opinion.....If they did not want to know then they should not have asked.

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Post by Kelreth » Sun Mar 26, 2006 12:04 am

Your not insentsitive, you just view things in a different light. I do, i know that, nothing wrong with it, we all deal with loss and pain our own ways.
i am prone to free association. Basically whatever i think i type, so sorry if things get really erratic...

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Post by Paganlight » Sun Mar 26, 2006 12:46 am

I agree with the others here - you were asked for your opinion, and you gave it truthfully. Nothing wrong with that.

By the way, my condolences to you and your family regardibg your mother - it's a difficult time for all of you.
"ǽr notian ond æfteryld céosan ǽghwæðer, gehwilc gesælan of árweorðung gān begeondan gelǽran and gelust."
("Till use and old age accept them, and all chance of valour has gone beyone recall or desire...")

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Ragnar
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Post by Ragnar » Sun Mar 26, 2006 7:22 am

I wish I had had similar chance. :lol:

Mine had all snuffed it before I could get to them. :-(

Na, what you did was right. That is what was offered to you. It was THEM that went back on their word. May be you should add that to your list. ;)

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Post by Artemisblessed » Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:00 am

thank you all. it helps knowing that there are some people (be it on the internet ;) ) who can understand. all i wanted to do was tell them EXACTLY how i felt and i got all the women in my family (my dad and little brother stayed quiet) yelling about how if i wouldn't listen to their defense, then they should never have listened to me at all!

let me set one thing straight: i'm fully aware of how dumb of me it was to expect that they would take it gracefully. i knew i would get a fight from at least ONE of them. which is understandable, don't get me wrong. but what i didn't expect was to get in a full-fledged screaming match with ALL of them. i mean, i TOLD them the material was insulting, but to please not try to defend themselves.

my reasoning for this was simple: because it was my OPINION and no matter what you do or how hard you fight, someone will think whatever they want of you. i mean, i was probably wrong about most of my perceptions of them, but that doesn't mean I was wrong in thinking it.

get it? or is this a ramble?
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Ragnar
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Post by Ragnar » Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:30 am

" i TOLD them the material was insulting, but to please not try to defend themselves. "
Aye well. Mistake one may have been to TELL them."TOLD" is different to "told".

Also, you can not tell people, or expect them, not to defend themselves.

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Post by Artemisblessed » Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:34 am

in retrospect, it does seem a little foolish... #-o
Treat every new person you meet as if they will be an important influence on you later (you know, love thy neighbor?)

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Post by Ragnar » Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:54 am

Treat it as a lesson. You will do better next time. ;)

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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sun Mar 26, 2006 1:23 pm

You have every right to have your own opinions. Foolish or not (I have no opinion on the matter) it is done, and as Ragnar said, it's a lesson. (As I said on another thread just now, the best lessons are often painful ;) )

Don't feel badly. Walk proud. Regret is a stupid emotion and you should have none of it.

Is it me, or are all my posts coming across as unreasonably harsh??? I'm sorry! (no regret, or I'd erase it :lol: jk)
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Post by morgana » Sun Mar 26, 2006 6:52 pm

In my opinion you were right in telling them how you feel, but you always have to expect the worst in cases of being completely honest with people. Most people don't like to have their little flaws exposed, and will defend themselves to the end, regardless of whether the other person is right or not.
"Love like you've never been hurt."

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Post by Ragnar » Sun Mar 26, 2006 11:29 pm

Or, as in my experience, the more right YOU are the harder THEY fight to deny the fact.

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Post by Artemisblessed » Mon Mar 27, 2006 11:26 am

well, i like to think so, but it's things like this that make me wonder, why bother?
Treat every new person you meet as if they will be an important influence on you later (you know, love thy neighbor?)

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