Stupid conflict stuff

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What would you do in this situation?

Tell him to get bent and go away
7
70%
Grin and bear it...there are things you do not understand at work here
0
No votes
Warn everyone he is trying to talk to that he is going to
0
No votes
Other....please explain
3
30%
 
Total votes: 10

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Lotus
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Stupid conflict stuff

Post by Lotus » Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:26 pm

Now I got a message in my e-mail from a former teacher (religious) out of the blue asking if I'd like to join in Wiccan classes. I was a little shocked at this message considering he has not tried to contact me in over a year. Recently he has joined my grove as a non-initiated member (I am an initiated member) and was cold to me the entire time.
So, I spent a few weeks thinking about it whether or not I should answer him.....ultimately I took the jesture as one of forgiveness. I initially thought he was angry because I never called back a year ago (I was busy, depressed, and dealing with my mom's back injury).
He left his phone number asking me to call him so, I did tonight.
He went on and on about how I somehow lied to him a year ago and that they have "reservations" about me joining the classes. I did not "lie" to him but, was caught off guard when he asked me a year ago how I got his number....I do not really remember and would have given some blanket answer. I was looking for a teacher back then and was given contacts from various people...as if I can remember who or how I got his number from.
I'm angry because they invited me to join and then are now saying they have "reservations" about me over something I think is stupid. If I did lie then it was not over something major to hold a year long grudge over.....it was simply how I got his number.
I told him that "how do you think I got your number, the easter bunny?"

Also, he owns a business that makes pagan goods...lately he has lost many contacts because some stores will not even sell his things. One store that I go to used to sell his things ( I am friends with the owners) and he lost this account. The owner told me that she felt uncomfortable with him since she felt as if he were making a pass at her and did not give me any details. She also told me that she used one of his money candles and it came out all strange.
He weeded this information out of me because he was accusing me of spreading rumors about him....which then he retorted saying "NO, I never accused you of spreading rumors about me or being a lier" and went on to say "well, we all are not 100% honest and we all tell some lies".

I also told him that certain people are spreading rumors about me and telling people not to allow them into their group...which two people have done so with the Druid grove. I since then told him to ask the heads of the grove for they will not give me details.....they choose not to hold the things said against me.
He now is going to ask the heads of the grove if I say what is true and the owner.

Why the heck did he even offer me classes when he was going to start this fuss over stuff that happened a year ago? Why hold something over my head for over a year? I told him that he was not being honest when he did not come out and tell me these things a year ago.....and being dishonest by holding this gruge over me.
There is something more that I do not know since he is asking all these people about me? And why should he care what my other issues are with those people who bad-mouth me a year ago?

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Post by scoia » Wed Sep 28, 2005 9:05 pm

Based on what you've said, I think he (or others') have ulterior motives at the moment. It may be that he's heard untrue things about you from others' that he wants to check out before teaching you, or he may just be a trouble maker.

Either way, how much do you want to be associated with him? If you feel uneasy about someone, there's usually a reason. Even if he is being cautious and holding a grudge, drama queens like that can be tiring, to say the least.

Long waffle short, unless you have very specific reason for being associated with him, walk away quietly. There be some sniping afoot.
First they ignore you.
Then they laught at you.
Then they fight you.
Then you win.
--Ghandi

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Post by Kystar » Wed Sep 28, 2005 9:18 pm

Lotus: I honestly have to say that some people take the human instinct to establish heirarchy too seriously.

Your situation sounds somewhat similar to one that I experienced.
I was in a medevial game and had made close friendships...one of those that I regarded as a sister pulled a fast move and her and her man took over our group even though he was not eligable to be leader according to our own bylaws. When I questioned this, and pointed out the bylaws, and refused to back down, they claimed I "betrayed" them in an effort to become leader myself. This happened in 1995, and to this DAY, they use that as an excuse as to why I'm an untrustworthy person, and shouldn't be considered for any responsiblitity.

I told them a few years ago to get bent, and I think you are best off telling this person to get bent. But make sure you have some strong wards when you do!

Good lucK!

There are some seriously SHALLOW ppl in this world...who meddle in others lives to make themselves somehow Better. #-o
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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Wed Sep 28, 2005 9:23 pm

As Scoia said: there is something not good underneath this.
But always trust your feelings

Seems to me like he's pissed off that he was an uninitiated member at first, has some power issues, and is holding the fact that he has control over your entering classes. It's like how confused/mean kids get back at parents by putting them in a bad old folks home when they are senile.

Either way, is this really the kind of guy you want teaching you??
I say walk away. You will have other chances to find your answers, if you have not found what you need already. Do not go to paths that do not feel completely right.
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Post by Lotus » Fri Sep 30, 2005 1:21 pm

I did something brashly and posting a message to the whole grove. It was not the exacly best way to do it but It did trump his attemps of stiring up stuff beind my back. However, this now allowed him to stir up stuff to my face. Maybe he expected me to react this way.
He decided to tout the "this is a private issue" thing and the whole "I will talk to her privately" crap.
I spoke to the head of the grove on the phone and he seemed understanding and was ok but his wife posted publically that this is not a grove issue and droping the subject. I hope that I did not anger her.
A good many people have been sending me private messages to either appologize to me or to lend me simpathy. One woman even saying that she has known him for years and he likes drama which, is why she distances herself from him.
He sent me an e-mail today and I simply deleted it without reading it....I do not want to discuss things. I feel he deliberatly sent me the offer to teach me only to stir things up and get the delight of declining me to my face.
I spoke to the store owners of the store he was trying to start crap with and she was very sympathetic. I told her that he is upset that people will not sell his goods and she replyed, "Well, there is a reason for that" and left it there.
On the message board I appear to look bad which, is what he wanted. My brashness has always been a luke warm thing. However, it seems to be a different story due to people's private messages to me.

I'm going to go to the belated Mabon ritual this weekend on the 1st to see exactly what is the fall-out.
Thanks for your input you guys It has helped me decide that I need to tell him to get bent.
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Post by Stormy » Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:03 pm

I'm late, because, AGAIN (and I don't know why this happens to me) this did not show up as a "posts since last visit" the past two days I've come here!

But, better late than never - I agree. stay as far away from this psycho head trip idiot as you can!
Stormy ~~}~}-:>
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam

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Post by Fairydust » Mon Oct 03, 2005 2:23 pm

i'd stay away from him...it seems like hes more insicure about himself or something of that sort...im not quite sure..i get a weird vibe from this man and well...he seems almost like my teacher...i dont like her because it seems like she wants people to be all deep and stuff yet she seems so dull and at groundlevel herself...its really weird...any whoo my advice is to just acept who he is but stay away from him becasue well..you dont get good vibes...
<b>lets just let ourselves be what ever it is that we are</b>

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Post by Lotus » Tue Oct 04, 2005 11:07 am

I went to the Mabon ritual this past weekend and now I understand what is going on....sort of. This guy has been wigging out as of late and is actiong paranoid. The has accused other members of the grove (before accusing me) of destroying his reputation thus destroying his business.
He is trying to blame the loss of business on someone/anyone.

The reality of the matter is that his stuff does not turn over quickly. I've used some of his products and know that there is better quality. Like his charcole (sp?) burning insence loses scent quickly.
And aside from this.....people just do not have extra money due to the economy and gas prices. Gas prices are translating to higher prices everywhere...even when I last went to the grocery store.
Oils, incense, and other pagan tools are nice to have however, in most people's budgets they translate into being extras.
It would be nice to sit in a basement making pagan wares to sell for a living. The reality is that most people do this also have a day job and I think he is angered at the tough reality that he cannot do this for a living.

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Post by Stormy » Tue Oct 04, 2005 11:35 am

Lotus wrote:....people just do not have extra money due to the economy and gas prices. Gas prices are translating to higher prices everywhere...

Oils, incense, and other pagan tools are nice to have however, in most people's budgets they translate into being extras.

It would be nice to sit in a basement making pagan wares to sell for a living. The reality is that most people do this also have a day job and I think he is angered at the tough reality that he cannot do this for a living.
Awe, let's have a pity party for him. DUHHH! Tell him to get a grip on reality and face the facts.

I am self employed - freelance computer/regular artist as well as making to sell the stuff that is now on the bottom of peoples to buy lists. Even the freelance work is getting thin again due to rising costs in businesses, they do a lot of work in-house or do without. So I'm making almost nothing these days and fighting to get paid for the jobs I DID get (now that money is tight every excuse in the book is being given to delay payments).

But am I going around blaming everyone else? NO, I'm looking for another temp job, any job within a reasonable distance. Is it easy? NO, I have to carefully consider cost of gas to get to job vs. pay rate PLUS if it works into either a bus schedule (another expense to consider) or hubbies schedule, so no, I haven't found anything yet. Are we hurting - not yet but it's coming, especially with the 42% increase our heating gas company just announced. But I'm not crying, whining and going psycho blame attack on everyone. This jerk needs to grow up and take responsibility for his life. In these tough times I think of a quote from one of my favorite 'popcorn' movies, the Princess Bride that goes something like this:
Life is pain Princess, and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is selling something.
With the economy going the way it is, things are going to keep getting tougher and folks like him with these head in the clouds ideas that they should be able to make a living doing what they want and if they don't it's someone's fault but not theirs - well, they are going to have to buck up. Lucky for you, apparently others see what an idiot he's being.
Stormy ~~}~}-:>
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam

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Post by morgana » Tue Oct 04, 2005 5:37 pm

Preach on Stormy preach on! Lol, I agree 100%! This guy is just an idiot. I mean would I love to make money doing something like that? Sure, but I know it ain't gonna happen. That's why I work at my crummy little retail store. It certainly isn't my fantasy job, but it pays the bills, and when times get tough, that's what you need, just a job that pays the bills and gives you the hours you need.
"Love like you've never been hurt."

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Post by Fairydust » Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:35 pm

i<3that saying its pretty shweet.
<b>lets just let ourselves be what ever it is that we are</b>

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