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The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 10:23 pm
by Kitsune
Warning: As the name suggests, this post contains adult themes, if not words. Viewer Discretion is advised.

The whole post it over here... ... and the comments at the end are brilliant! :lol:
Right now, over on the Wiffer forums, we’re doing a writing challenge that’s an extension of Nanowrimo, for those of us who had more to give. For a while, we tried to figure out what to name it, and eventually came around to Holiday Haste (HoHa) and then of course that morphed into the Glittery HoHa, which references the Glittery HooHa, which Jenny Crusie made into an internet sensation for about as long as the average internet sensation lasts – approximately 24 hours – with this brilliant post on Argh, Ink. It was based on an email I’d sent to an online group that tickled her fancy, and a bit of it actually made its way into a scene in Dogs and Goddesses. Well, the industrious Wiffer Michelle actually found the original e-mail, so I thought I’d put it here. Enjoy!
Sit down, little ones, while I tell you the Tale of the Glittery HooHa.

Once upon a time, in a land called Television Without Pity, the peasants gathered to discuss a particular type of character on soap operas. She was always blond, always beautiful, and always good-natured and kind, and always stupid beyond the telling of it. Did someone get approached by a masked man wearing dark gloves who needed help getting a puppy out of a wolf trap, only to happily agree to assist and disappear? It was her. Did someone get drunk on her honeymoon, pass out in a strange bed, and wake up only to assume on very little evidence that she’d slept with another man? Then lie about it? Then get caught lying? Then find out it was all a set-up by her evil twin, who had always been evil and had, in fact, done this before? It was her. Did someone get trapped in their own microwave oven?

Guess who?

And yet… there is a man. We’ll call him… Hero. Hero is handsome, he is strong, and… well, yes, okay, he’s kinda dumb, too, but still he manages to rescue her every single time she’s in trouble… which is approximately twice a show. He stays by her side and loves her through thick and thin. He disentangles her hair from the curling iron. He drops his Very Important Job to rush off and rescue her from the cardboard box on the pier where the Villain left her, warning her NOT TO SAY A WORD lest he do BAD BAD THINGS to her favorite hamster, so she kept quiet, even though the Villain was long gone, and many a passerby had passed her by. The Hero is loyal and loving and doesn’t seem to mind the fact that she is so FREAKIN’ stupid. How can this be??

Well, my friends, it comes down to the power of the Glittery HooHa, or the GHH for short. A woman with an HH as G as this girl merely needs to walk around as glitter falls from her netherparts, leaving a trail for Hero to follow. And once he finds her, it only takes one dip in the GHH to snare him forever, for yea, no matter how many HooHas he might see, never will there be one as Glittery as hers…

And that’s pretty much it.
Sorry, I loved it, and I totally thought it should be shared. If the mods don't think it's appropriate, just remove it and let me know.

Off-Hand, my vote for current characters with this trait are Bella from Twilight and Kahlan from the Sword of Truth series. Who is your vote for?

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 10:40 pm
by Kystar
OMG! Excuse me while I snort up a lung and a spleen laughing!

Alas, I cannot vote as I have avoided both book series mentioned like the plague.

Though...I came up with about three anime series characters that fit that...but, the Americanized version of Sailor Moon jumped right to the front! (Yes, I'm aware that the original Sailor Moon had some ability to take care of herself. But the American version...URGH!) Though, almost every fairytale princess or maiden who gets enchanted, kidnapped, or what have you falls into that category too!

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 6:05 am
by Crazy Healer Lady
Y'know, I never understood how Sailor Moon could be the 'leader' of a superhero team and get her butt kicked so frequently. But WAIT, her magical MOON-DIAMOND from Many Moon Years Ago from Mystery Woman who looks JUST LIKE HER (with white hair) saves the day, with the love of all her friends! Squee! (My sister was in love with that show up until she was 20. I'm a DragonBall girl ^_^ At least ChiChi doesn't go getting herself kidnapped! :finga: Heheh, the one thing Goku is afraid of...)

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:21 am
by Kitsune
That is a point. I'd say just vote for who you think has the glittery HooHa! Sailor Moon is definately a good one! I may not watch that show any more, but I remember that she held every guy on that show under her spell eventually. Darien/Mamarou was just the most fervent in his search of her sparkles.

Chi Chi never needed saving, but there are a few anime characters that always seem to. Normally I prefer the anime's where the character doesn't need them and kicks butt herself.

Vote for all ones you can think of. They suggested Angelina Jolie on the original site, but I don't think she counts, since she has the glittery HooHa, but doesn't require saving that often.

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:58 am
by Kystar
ChiChi never really needed it, but how many times in Z did Bulma get her butt into trouble?! Gah!

But, of all of the damsel-in-distress stories, I'd have to say that Sleeping Beauty has the most Glittery HooHa...after all, in the original stories, she had princes and knights DYING for her for a full century! And they'd NEVER SEEN HER! Because she was rumored to be beautiful...but was stupid enough to grab hold of a piece of machinery she had no knowledge of...what so ever! Yes, yes, the witch or slighted fairy or whatever lured her in...but really, seriously...who looks at a complicated piece of machinery and goes "Ooh, if I grab this part, what will happen?"

Though, modern fiction, I'd have to vote for Lois Lane...because she sticks her nose into things that are apt to get her killed, and it's only because she's got a super-powered alien male entranced that she SURVIVES!

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 4:55 pm
by davisherm
Having neither read the books nor seen the movies, I'm going just on reviews of those who have, but yeah. Bella sounds like she's spot on to be a candidate for the GHH.

As for DBZ, Chi Chi was tough as nails. Her incredibly powerful husband and kids were all afraid of her. She's certainly not a GHH. Bulma, however. Definitely qualifies.

I never watched Sailor moon, but how about Inuyasha? Kagome is mildly competent, but how often did her pet wolf demon have to save her? And he was quite literally bound to her will, as well as being in love with her. Why? GHH from the future!

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 5:49 pm
by Kystar
Ah, you forget, Davish, that she was ALSO the reincarnation of his lady love from his own time! Talk about GHH!

Though, I just thought of a good few...from strange sources.

1 - The Princess from Voltron. Yes, when in her lion with the crew, she was fine...but on her own? How many times did they have to save her blond butt?

2 - Princess Toadstool/Peach - Yes, yes, whatever that blond menace's name is...HOW many Mario Brothers games were there? Are there? HOW many of them focus on TWO males trying to save ONE chick?

3 - a whole load of girls from the various Final Fantasy games. I'm not even sure how to go into this one!

4 - Glimmer from She-ra...ditzy and sweet, who inevitably gets into trouble. Though, I'm not sure how much she qualifies as it's another girl saving her.

5 - Guinevere, actually. There's that whole "Married to a king, attracted to a knight...gets caught in questionable circumstances...nearly burnt at the stake or otherwise executed, but rescued by the Knight she betrayed her husband for." I think she qualifies...after all her GHH started a war!

6 - Christine from Phantom - Despite my love of this musical/book/movie...she qualifies.


Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 6:10 pm
by Crazy Healer Lady
PEACH!!! outtahere:

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 12:15 pm
by Kitsune
I agree, Sleeping Beauty counts... although, I will give her parents some fault in her stupidity. Everyone had treated like fragile glass until then. Then one of the old crones gives her the ability to do something and gain a feeling of freedom for once... and there's that evil spell.

The poor girl would never try to step out on her own again...

Bulma needed saving, but I tend to remember her more after she marries Vegeta. That girl was scary in her control of him.

Vegeta - "NO, for the last time, I'm not getting involved. I'm saving my wife and child, and we'll go off-world."

Bulma - "I'm not leaving my home planet! Get your a** out there and save us!"

Vegeta - "... **sigh** Yes Dear." :lol:

Kagome counted. She was vaguely competent, but tended to be the brains of the outfit (as pathetic as that is). Most of Rumino Takahashi's 'heroines' are like that though... Akane, anyone? I remember one episode where Akane argues that she can fight, and her sister Nabiki corrects her, "No, you keep yourself in Shape. If you were practicing to fight, you'd be learning to do wacky things like Ranma and Shampoo."

Lois Lane has a death wish... :lol: She and Princess Peach definitely count. Although the Toadstool has a HooHa so similiar to Peach's that I'm voting her in as well. How many castles did Mario/Luigi go through finding only the Toadstool, while following her Glittery trail? :lol:

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:49 pm
by Kystar
Well, after Bulma married Vegita, she sort of learned the power of the GHH...and used it to make the boy do her bidding. Granted, she grew up at that point, so she wasn't quite so ditzy. I think that eventually disqualifies her.

I get what you are saying about Sleeping Beauty being totally coddled. I agree.

I forgot that Peach and Princess Toadstool were too different Mario Bros princesses...oops...LOL. But I still say they both count.

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 11:20 am
by Crazy Healer Lady
Kystar wrote:I forgot that Peach and Princess Toadstool were too different Mario Bros princesses...oops...LOL. But I still say they both count.
Me too! Either way, totally glittery :p

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 10:58 pm
by Kitsune
Actually, I was just meaning that actual mushroom guy that always told you, "I'm sorry Mario, but the Princess is in another castle", but we can count Princess Toadstool or whatever her name was as well.

I've been showing this to a few friends of mine, and they all think it's great. I'm loving it... :lol:

Re: The Glittery HooHa of Christmas Past

Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 7:07 am
by Max
The one that springs to mind is Sookie from the Sookie Stackhouse novels and the True Blood series. That woman has everyone entranced with her GHH. I know a couple of women like that in real life too... :-k