Good bye Ritual

Whatever you do - don't break the circle!
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Willow
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Good bye Ritual

Post by Willow » Sun Feb 11, 2007 9:04 pm

So I need to premise this. This is a very personal ritual. I don't think I could handle heavy criticism of it (only very nicely put constructive). I just kind of made something to deal with a problem.

Some of you may remember that about two years ago I had three grandmothers pass away. Two of whom I was very close too and one who well, I felt nothing when she died except confusion.

For the past year and a half I found myself out shopping and I would see a "Birds of Canada" calendar, and buy it for my grandma (who was an avid Birder) , get home and freak out. Or I would think about shortbread and make a mental note to call my other grandma (who was famed for her shortbread recipe). While I am sure that events like these are natural parts of someone moving on, they were causing me a bit of stress.

So here is what I did, a bit unorthodox, but I was getting frustrated at re-remembering the fact my grandmas had died.

I recently visited the graves of both my grandmothers who are in Ontario. By myself. I sat down and asked the earth to watch over me. I told my grandmas what I was going to do. I used a small knife to cut the tiniest whole by the grave. I then used a lancet (the thing diabetics use) to draw a tiny bit of blood from my finger, and put it in the ground. I said (essentially)
This is me acknowledging the piece of myself that has gone with you. Then I pretty much asked that I could find ways to acknowledge that they are still a part of me without going through these devastating forgetfulness periods. I realised maybe I was just trying to bury the fact I missed them rather than dealing with it. I then said good bye and promised to spend a bit more time thinking about them

Anyway, I hope it isnt a freaky ritual to anyone, for some reason I really felt the need to put a physical face on what was happenning too me. And I feel better...but I feel like I am learning to live without a piece of me. Does that make sense? I also feel that sometimes a little pain can createa lot of healing. Like getting a tatoo after a major life event.

It is also important because I think this is the first time I ever "Did" a ritual that was, as I see it, completely pagan. I know I didn't cast a circle or anything, but I thought about that part and it didn't feel right.

Anyway, I thought it was important to share because no doubt, other people have gone through similar feelings. I am not sure if it has worked, but at least I have acknowledged what was causing me problems and done something that (I feel) is constructive about it. And most importanly, I feel better. Thanks for listening and not judging.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Post by forgotten oceans » Mon Feb 12, 2007 9:57 pm

Oh Willow. *big bear hugs* :hug: You're doing better then I am. I still have the forgetting she's dead thing happen. It sucks, Grandma's been dead for a year and a half, but I still forget and I just can't bring myself to go 'visit' the house or grave. I was there when she died, but haven't been back since. :-( Blessings to you Willow, you're an inspiration. [-o< You're ritual sounds lovely. :-)
Maybe now you're starting to understand that while I may have been born predispositioned to be pretty batty, my parents saw to it that it was a certainty and completely unavoidable. -Me

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Post by Willow » Tue Feb 13, 2007 5:35 am

Thankss...and I know it sucks, don't feel bad because you hven't visited those places. They are big steps and take time.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Post by katsu » Tue Feb 13, 2007 5:47 am

"When a person we love dies, a part of us dies too. However they will live on in our harts forever"

It's a good closing Willow :hug:
/|\

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Post by Kystar » Tue Feb 13, 2007 6:26 am

You're braver than I am. My grandfather died in 1997(?), and I have yet to visit the grave. I can't even be NEAR the cemetary without bursting into tears.

I see that as a very viable ritual to help bring focus to the loss.

I wish I could face that with my grandfather.
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Post by Willow » Tue Feb 13, 2007 8:11 am

Focus, maybet hat was the word I am looking for.

Thanks guys.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Post by SageWolf » Tue Feb 13, 2007 8:44 am

Not to offend anyone? but is it really wrong to do alittle blood letting? I mean if you drop a little not an extravangt amount why would ppl freak out on that? There are some saying that gods don't want sacrifices but I think they meant like actualy killing of people to appease the gods, If you put a drop of blood on a grave site to say goodbye. I think it makes it more personal, and lets the Gods understand that your willing to sacrfice alittle of yourself for this ritual so they will be honored. That is my opnion but I still think there is nothing wrong with it.

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Post by SageWolf » Tue Feb 13, 2007 8:45 am

Oh yeah and that was a Beautiful ritual Willow.

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Post by Jescissa » Tue Feb 13, 2007 9:43 am

It's a very beautiful ritual, Willow.
Willow wrote:Anyway, I hope it isnt a freaky ritual to anyone, for some reason I really felt the need to put a physical face on what was happening to me.
I'm like that too. I don't cope with internal emotional challenges very well, if I'm experiencing inner turmoil, I feel that I have to challenge it into something tangible, like a picture or a sculpture to let out my feelings.
"If you trust in yourself and believe in your dreams and follow your star...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Goodbye." - Miss Tick, Terry Pratchett's Wee Free Men

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Post by Willow » Tue Feb 13, 2007 12:55 pm

I don't think of it in terms of sacrifice. I think that would serve a different purpose.

However, I have thought a lot about life rituals, and how they used to involve a little pain. I only have two peircings. One on my lower lobs that I got when I went to school. and one on my uypper left ear that I got with a number of friends from Bible college. It is a reminder of my comitment to always seek God/Godess/the higher being...whatever I am looking for.

More and more I am considering a tatoo when I am done my schooling, to kind of finalise my achievment. Still wavering on that because it is a lot of pain to go through. Anyway, i think marking things with a little pain is the same as marking things with joy and pleasure. It brings the emotions into focus. makes them something real and tangible.

just a thought though,
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Post by katsu » Tue Feb 13, 2007 2:48 pm

Willow wrote: More and more I am considering a tatoo when I am done my schooling, to kind of finalise my achievment.
That means pictures :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
(but I understand fully)
/|\

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Post by Kystar » Tue Feb 13, 2007 3:02 pm

yes...those little things HURT!!

But, you know what...they're great to have...shows you have endurence. Granted, I tranced for my first tattoo, thanks to a friend with energy abilities...and screamed like a banshee through my second one...but wow...the power that gives off once your system balances again...I was glowing for days afterwards, aura wise.

First tat was to celebrate my path and who I was becoming...it's a silver/grey cresent moon holding an eight-pointed (gypsy/chaos?) star in royal purple. It's between my boobs on my lower chest, above the bra line, so I really can't post a pic.

Second tat was a reminder of the gift with words that the Divine graced me with...but I think it needs reworked as I'm not happy with it. The artist added a shadow, and I was too out of focus to ask for the drop of ink at the end...oh, sorry. It's a quill, gray and purple, on my ankle. I might go back and get the colors touched up a bit, and add either a drop of ink or the slight splatter that a quill makes when it hits the page.
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Post by Willow » Tue Feb 13, 2007 6:38 pm

I think mine would be a willow tree, but I have yet to find any I feel would nicely translate into a tatoo.

My friend says she always feels purged after she gets tatoos (and she has a lot) She cries and yells the whole time but says she feels wonderful for days after.

And as for pics...well, we'll see, it may not be available on a G -rated board :lol:

JK most likely my back or calf, somewher I can cover it if I want too.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991)

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Post by morgana » Tue Feb 13, 2007 7:44 pm

Yeah it's strange cuz even though it aches quite a bit after it's done, it's a "good" ache, like working really hard physically on something you love, and going to bed with every bone and muscle hurting, but feeling oddly good at the same time. I suppose satisfied would be the word for the feeling you have when it's done.
"Love like you've never been hurt."

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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Tue Feb 13, 2007 9:05 pm

Willow, that is a beautiful ritual.

I know how you feel. I still keep wanting to turn onto a certain road where my grandpa lived in a retirement home after work...

Closing rituals really, really are wonderful. It is why we have funerals, to get closure.

Huge hugs and lotsa blessings your way...
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The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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