Sorcerous Z returns to her roots.....

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Scathach
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Sorcerous Z returns to her roots.....

Post by Scathach » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:04 am

I know that I've been gone for quite a while. I've been heavily involved in music, and that's taken up most of my energy. When I first came here, I identified myself as a chaos magician. Before that, I'd been Wiccan for many years.

I guess that I got into chaos magick because I had begun to view deity as a problem. I was searching for something more raw and untamed. Recently I was at a festival in Minnesota, (Sacred Harvest Fest). It's a small, but very good festival with a rep for excellent rituals. They have a ritual that they do every year called a Rangolli. Basically, they draw a big mandala on the ground out of spices, light a fire, and then dance it into the dirt, each dancer having a magickal intent that is professed to the gate guardian when they enter the circle.

So there I am, dancing to honor the spirit of my partner who passed away from cancer. The drums are pounding, the air is full of the smell of woodsmoke and cinnamon. Penny is floating around around the parimeter of the circle in a slow dance, the quintessential witch, seeing to it that no power leaks out. It was at that monent that I realized how much I missed it all.

I must finally admit the truth and say that I'm no longer a chaos magician. I miss the wildness. I miss the sense of connection.

I'm not dissing chaos magick. Far from it. At the time, it brought a sense that there where no boundaries, that the sky was the limit. The problem was that I found myself losing my connection to the Earth. Chaos magick taught me how to decondition myself, and that was a good thing. It also worked better than any other form of magick that I ever practiced in terms of healing my inner demons.

I suppose that what has brought me back to paganism in the nature based sense IS that it has become more wild. When I left the craft, it still had this cautious feel. Everone seemed afraid of pushing the boundaries. Everybody seemed so concerned with being safe, at least in my quarters. Chaotes were pushing the boundaries. They were taking risks in exploring the edge of what it means to be human. Now it seems that the situation has reversed. Chaos magick has lost it's edginess, and has become less flexible. Paganism has gotten more free, and more wild, it seems. Bottomline, in that Rangolli, I felt more magick than I'd felt for some time.

To anyone who's known me from before, I no longer identify as a chaos magician. I identify as pagan. I'm still pretty sorcerous, though..... ;)
-Z. deScathach of the Backwater Pinetree Node

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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Fri Sep 14, 2007 8:17 am

Ahhh good for you :)

I am one of those people who will never settle on a set definition for herself except "Pagan." I flit from Wiccan to Hindu to Christian (even) to Native American to Zen Buddhist to New-Age to Celtic ____. I do not settle on one, but let the powers of each lift me higher to the Divine - whatever I am calling it that month - and when the power in that teaching fades, the next one rises like the tide and brings me even closer to who I am and who I want to be.

By learning from so many different religions one would think I cannot appreciate them as much as someone who is moved by one for life. This is not true, and I feel that I can appreciate them more, give them respect and honour as I best can.

So I say, fantastic that you have gone to what moves you and connects you to the Divine out there! It may change in another few years, and that is OK :) You learn from each, and each develops your soul in its own special way to balance your spirit and make you feel whole.
Crazy Healer Lady
Health and happiness to you!

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -CWG

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Post by underlilith » Fri Sep 14, 2007 9:53 am

Congradulations on finding your path.

I do not identify as anything specific, myself. But I do try to ponder, test, and even try to counter my own principles to see how solid they are, sometimes this leads to greater understanding and thus new principles are formed or edited, and so on.

So you have done something i haven't gotten to yet, so congradulations... then again, i'm kinda early on my path (whatever that may be).

Good luck and wishes for you! :-D
"What is a god but a man who weilds the power of chaos?" - Peter Carroll

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