The Baked Bean story

A parrot walks into a bar carrying an Athame...
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SageWolf
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The Baked Bean story

Post by SageWolf » Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:51 pm

One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.




Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly:
'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'


She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone
rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.


Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room,
I went on like this for another few minutes.



The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.


My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. she asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not.


At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused:

'Happy Birthday!'


I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To Error is Human, To really foul things up Requires a Computer.

unknown as far as I know

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FyreGarnet
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Post by FyreGarnet » Fri Jul 04, 2008 4:07 pm

LMAO I couldn't help but laugh at that one.

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Mahala
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Post by Mahala » Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:26 pm

Oh my... *Snorts up Pepsi and hacks.* That's so cruel. SO... SO cruel... sounds like my family alright. 8-)

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Post by Librarian » Fri Jul 04, 2008 7:15 pm

You owe me a new keyboard. =D> =D> =D>

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SageWolf
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Post by SageWolf » Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:49 pm

LOL you weren't eating Baked beans at the keyboard and fried it did ya? LOL I'm sorry you laughed so hard you spit a drink out all over the keyboard. But in my defense this was posted in the Humor section, so that should have warned you.


I hope your keyboard isn't too bad

Brightest blessings
SageWolf
To Error is Human, To really foul things up Requires a Computer.

unknown as far as I know

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Mahala
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Post by Mahala » Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:39 am

LMAO... Niiiiice job. Ooooh, I have something, but I'll post it in a new thread... tee hee... ;)

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raventears
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Re: The Baked Bean story

Post by raventears » Sun Oct 12, 2008 5:41 pm

lol :lol: sad i feel sorry 4 u
jack skellington is my husband

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