Grandparents?

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forgotten oceans
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Grandparents?

Post by forgotten oceans » Fri Apr 06, 2007 12:02 pm

So with all this talk on babies and parenting, I can't help but wonder, where does everyone stand on grandparent envolvement? How much enfluence does your or will your parents have on your children?

I'm not real sure if my parents are even gonna know about my kids, when I get around to having them. I know no one's perfect, but I see what happend with me and I wonder if I wanna subject my children to that kinda stuff. But at the same time I don't wanna coddle them or shelter them from the world, but I don't wanna throw them to the lions either. I'm kinda stuck on this one.

What about you guys?
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Post by fatale » Fri Apr 06, 2007 12:58 pm

Oh man, my in-laws want us to move into their neighborhood - better yet, the house next to them... My stepmother in law is very controling!

My husband is his dad's only child(and his dad was not very involved in his upbringing), my father in law and his second wife couldn't have more children. Naturally they see my children as a substitude for their own. I'm willing to let them be involved and (though i sometimes roll my eyes) listen to their advice - wondering what ppl with no kids could tell me (I have three) I know they mean well and I respect them as elders, but in the end, I do what I want to do anyway and raise my children my way.

I like the fact that they want to be involved, take all three of them for a weekend, buy stuff for them (great help, since we're broke all the time) and take them on vacation. I especially appreciate it, because my two olders daughters are "step grandchildren" to them, but they never treated them any different then they would "real" grandkids.
I am very lucky with my inlaws and most of the time their input doesn't bother me, but when I disagree, I'll do it my way.

My parents and my husbands mother live far away, so they don't meddle in out affairs! :D

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Post by Jescissa » Fri Apr 06, 2007 2:20 pm

My grandparents (both sets) are great :-D My Nain and Taid (mum's parents) are the Welsh grands who taught me Welsh folklore and gave me a respect for my elders, whereas my Grandma and Grandad (dad's parents) live further away, so whenever I saw them it was a holiday atmosphere and we always had fun.

I don't think either set ever tried to butt in with my parents on parenting issues. I think they were happy to be the fun people and leave discipline to my parents :lol:

I really liked my upbringing, so I don't think I'd be too afraid of my parents offering advice and stuff, but they keep telling me they're too young for grandchildren, so I don't think they're too eager to explore this!
"If you trust in yourself and believe in your dreams and follow your star...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Goodbye." - Miss Tick, Terry Pratchett's Wee Free Men

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Post by daibanjo » Fri Apr 06, 2007 8:41 pm

I'm speaking as someone with 9 grandchildren and one great-grandchild.
I love them all and would have them around me every chance i get. But my job is to tell them tales, make them laugh and return the terribly spoiled ones to their parents. I cast a curse on my children and it worked. The curse was,
"I hope your children give you as much trouble as you give me"
I am thrilled to bits at any opportunity i get to aid the curse along.
In all seriousness though, parenting is for the parents. I help when i'm asked otherwise i butt out. My children don't ask much because I'm 5,500 miles away. :-D
It'll be all right in the end. If it's not all right, it's not the end.

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Post by morgana » Sat Apr 07, 2007 4:31 am

Lol, Daibanjo my mother put a very similar curse on me, that I would have children just like me. And it was not said during a time where she was happy with me, so I know if I ever have kids that curse will definitely come true. My response to that? Well I just won't have kids! My mom however keeps insisting that it will happen, one way or the other.

Anyway, about grandparents, if I do have kids one day, my mom will definitely be allowed to do the "spoiling the grandkids" routine, and I know if I ever needed her advice on their raising that she would definitely give it to me, but I wouldn't expect her to help in the actual parenting of the kids.
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Post by Crazy Healer Lady » Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:10 pm

Daibanjo, my mother gave the same curse to my sister. The result? A special, fantastic little girl who has brough the entire family together. Aaaaand my sister could not be rid of her fast enough :evil: So now my mother takes care of her. I used to as well, but I am now a ways away.

My parents are amazing. The only problem I see with my parents is that they will want to give my little ones (when I have them) sugary treats.

My inlaws? GODS!!! They'd be happy if we were living in the same house as them!!! My M-I-L is... arg. I love her, and then I want to strangle her. My F-I-L is an amazing man. Thankfully, my MIL does not like kids so much. Not born for parenting. Doesn't even like cooking - she raised my SO and my FIL on hamburger helper. O_O
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Post by Kitsune » Sun Apr 08, 2007 7:32 pm

I honestly don't know if I trust either sets of Parents to keep the kids for a weekend type thing. Also, both of us were brought up in these households, we know that they are not the sort of homes we want for our children... Not that we had bad parents, just not the sort of beliefs I want our child being exposed to on an everyday basis.

Mind you, it shouldn't be a problem... We hope to be living a world away in Australia before we hit this stage in our lives.
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Post by Lotus » Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:22 pm

This is a difficult question for me to answer since I do not have children.
However, knowing how intrusive my SO's family is when it comes to his daughter I can only envision intrusive behavior if/when we have children.

Then again I will never (could never be) the horrible mother his ex is to their daughter.
We saw her (his daughter) over christmas and she was 7 1/2 then. She acted as if she was 5 and does not know how to read yet. *shakes head*
I would never allow my child to behave so poorly and she would be able to read by then......or else I'd help as much as I could. This child showed up in dirty clothing (reaking of a poop scent) that was obvious that she was wearing for days. Had a horrible rash on her hands that was sore. She is also turning out to be quite the little drama queen (like her mother).

Maybe they are intrusive with her because they need to be and will not behave that way with me.....still I wonder?

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Post by Jescissa » Sun Apr 08, 2007 11:37 pm

Lotus wrote:Maybe they are intrusive with her because they need to be and will not behave that way with me.....still I wonder?
Could be, or they've learned that that's the way to be with their grandchildren? You never know.

It's such a shame your stepdaughter like that, but if she is being that badly neglected is there anything your SO can do to get social services to hand his daughter over to him? I admit to being a little horrified that she can't read too. I could read before I went to primary school at 4, reading introduced me to classics like Pride and Prejudice when I was 8 (I didn't like it then and I'm still sceptical now, :lol:)! Would it do any good to try and teach her to read when you see her or would her mother undo all the work?
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Post by fatale » Mon Apr 09, 2007 5:06 am

seem's that's an international parent thing - my mom said the same thing -I don't wish you any bad, but children like you were one! (again, I was a great child :lol: )

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Post by Willow » Tue Apr 10, 2007 5:24 am

My family has always had a high gandparent involvement. My Great grandma was my nanny and I spent every summer with my grandparents. There were several times a year they would stay at our house for weeks on end.

However, I believe this may be cultural, my mother is part aboriginal and that sort of thing is strongly encouraged. My Mom and my Dad are capable of being there without taking over. I am not so sure about my SO's parents. They are more "give your child everythign" than I am. I am more iclined to put up with less crap and I hate giving kids thousands of toys. It is bad for the envirionment and kids only need so much, they have imaginations...that is why blocks are awesome.

So, I beleive in high grandparent involvement. My Mom has said a few times that if it weren't for my grandma, she would have shaken me. I don't think this is bad, just normal mother frustration, and a supportiive community lets you get out for a break when you need one.

As for the curse, well I hope it doesn't work. I had ADHD, and I have no clue how my Mom kept up. Imagine a kid that only sleeps six hours a night and runs the rest of the time....
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
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Post by Kitsune » Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:49 pm

If my Grandmother was still around, she'd definiately be involved in my child's life. Many of my best childhood memories of are of my Grandmother.

I know she's watching me from Heaven now, and although she probally shakes her head at some of my decisions, I firmly believe that she still just wants me to be happy... =D> :-)
Trying to create a world, even in words, is good occupational therapy for lunatics who think they're God, and an excellent argument for Polytheism. -S.M. Stirling

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